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Trust. Defined as certainty, belief, faith. Love. I didn’t find any definitions I agree with. To me, its not an attraction to someone. It’s not romantic feelings toward someone. It is not an emotional attachment. If anything, it is a detachment. Being in love completely removes you from reality. You become overwhelmed with an indescribable heart flutter that lifts you away from everything you’ve once known. You look at everything in a new light…a brighter one. You see the glass half full. You become part of the group that the once cynical you thought could only be found in fairy tales – the group of people smiling at the mere sight of that one person…the person that you can’t stay too mad at. The person that no matter what is happening, you can still say in the end, “I love him.” No thanks to Webster, I’ll have to figure this one out on my own.
I used to wonder how you could tell you were actually in love. I know the saying, “if you have to ask, you aren’t.” I do not believe in that. That guy was my first love and I had no idea until I finally realized what love was to me. I do not believe there is a guideline or checklist or quiz in a Cosmo magazine to find out. This is one thing you must decide on your own, but the thing is, you won’t know what it is until you’re in it.
I knew I was in love when everything I said about the way I felt was an understatement. He made me happy. Understatement. We had fun. Understatement. I liked him. Major understatement.
I am in love with him, but whenever I think about the feelings I have for him, I wonder…how can you have love without trust?
I use to think that you couldn’t truly love someone until you could completely trust them. I guess I kind of missed the mark on that one. A friend told me the other day that you can’t help who you fall in love with. He’s right. After the guy broke my heart the first couple of times, I tried my hardest not to love him simply because I couldn’t trust him anymore…I never stopped loving him.
I’m trying to trust him. He’s broken me down so many times that its hard to get back up again. I’ve never had to learn to re-trust anyone in my life. I’ve never wanted to…until him. I don’t think he’ll cheat on me [again]. I don’t think he tells huge lies to me [anymore]. But there is always that thought in the back of my mind saying “what if?” He hates that about me. I finally told him last night that it was his own fault.
I do still love him. I am still in love with him. I still have those indescribable feelings for him. I’m trying to have certainty, belief, faith. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
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Posted by signed_becca on 2008-06-02 17:56:07 | Rating: | Views: 111
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hey. I read this because the title interested me...i was curious. Read my poem called intense, it relates to this. well written by the way, strong opening
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Posted by myveryownsoapopera
on 2008-06-02 18:12:07
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