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Why blog?

As a sufferer of anxiety and depression I have occasionally been through periods where I have felt incredibly low. When I get like this I feel constantly tired, teary and lacking in energy. I want to sleep, I want to shut myself away from the world, I want to cry until I can't cry anymore. As well as this, I become snappy and even more intolerable than usual and live in my own little world of self pity. I become a nightmare.

I have in the past managed to get so depressed that I have been signed off work for periods lasting close to 100 days. I have in the past been told by my doctor that I need a career change. So it's kind of serious and kind of miserable.

In terms of treatment being medicated for depression results in employers not taking you quite as seriously as they should. Bosses aren't concerned about how well you can do your job but instead see the depression as a red light that you are going to have lots of time of sick. With me it resulted in not getting permanent contracts as a teacher. I'd stress over this get anxious, depressed and end up with a chunk of sick on my next application. This would then lead to the same old situation being repeated. Now this shouldn't be the case due to disability acts and equality too but it is!

So on my last period of sickness my gal suggested I do something about it other than medicine. She got me to write lists about what was good in my life, what I would like to do with my life, where I was going. The outpuring of these things on to paper helped. I started as a result to keep a diary.

From there things grew. Rather than just write I liked to take photos, draw stuff get things down there. I then discovered blogging and hence the reason why I now keep this blog...

I write my blog for me. If you enjoy reading it please carry on. If you don't it was nice knowing you...

I think in some ways depression is best summed up by the wonderful Holly Golightly in Breakfast At Tiffany's so I will leave you with her words...

Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of.