sianysianurn:uuid:8650b469-c98d-7f86-9d0f-75b8fc6253a72008-10-30T01:32:39-04:00sianysianwhat is the world coming to?urn:uuid:c1b0978c-1d0d-1544-8551-0b2882e214532008-07-02T14:41:32-04:00
Everything seemed easier then.
Everything seemed far more peaceful then.
Our nation presently morns the death of yet another young lad stabbed on the streets of London. This story seems to be getting more attention than previous stories due to him having a famous sister. It needs highlighting. What is the world coming to when you have to worry about letting a young chil out on to the streets to hang out with his mates.
In another news story it's the turn of the Welsh politicians. For once no-one is criticising them. It is in fact a different story. A number of them have confessed to having been raped and in the style that seems too common these days have failed to report it. Why? Who knows? Perhaps they felt guilty. Perhaps they felt scared that if they did report it somehow it would end up palstered across the front pages of this nations press.
I admit I don't know the full stories like so many others I lap up what I know from the news and the tabloids. Maybe I don't really care that much at the end of the day. All I know is it scares me, worries me and makes me think about society and where we are going. As someone of the age where I should be thinking of bringing a child in the world I increasingly ask myself why I would want to. Do I want to bring a child into the world with so much violence, so much hate...
Questions hey...they float around in my mind and the main one I keep asking myself is...what's going on? where is the love?]]>job appsurn:uuid:9ba7a0b5-eace-8c45-f927-52c4e6c701cc2008-07-01T12:00:10-04:00
I left teaching looking for a change and after 9 months I still feel uncertain as to what that change is. So many jobs appeal but so many of them I lack the relevant qualifications or skills for. Some I am even considered to be overly qualified for.
So I either keep on with this same plan of attack applying willy nilly for anything or I focus in...I can't decide which will be worse...getting rejections from something I could enjoy or getting rejections from something I really want to try...
Grrr!]]>Time Offurn:uuid:f0f9e033-56d1-028a-aa5f-8cdb39ea42fa2008-06-30T06:25:23-04:00
I left the profession mainly due to stress related issues that and feeling like it wasn't where I wanted to be anymore... It was a tough decision to drop down several wage brackets and walk away from it all but nonetheless I did it.
Now I work in an office and when it comes to time off my boss is a nightmare. I'm a temp and it's almost as if this in his eyes means I am undeserving of a day off now and again. Time off for interviews and I have to fight for it... Day off for my birthday and I have to fight for it...
So tomorrow I have an interview at 9am and I am scared to ask him for the time off...part of me just wants to say I'm taking it...part of me wants to ask...another part of me is debating calling in tomorrow morning and saying that I have a doctor's appointment and will be in late...
The crazy thing about this all...in many ways he's the best boss I've ever had and if he stopped being a git about these things... he'd be perfect!]]>The Happeningurn:uuid:08e535b3-a9e5-f223-7a16-e47741b0aaad2008-06-23T16:59:31-04:00I am often shocked when what I consider to be a relatively entertaining film makes it unexpectedly into the news.
Coming from South Wales the town of Bridgend is one of many South Wales towns that many people hear of and don't have reason to visit. It's a fairly sleepy town and whilst it has seen some regeneration with the McArthur Glen shopping mall it isn't that special.
Then back late last year something weird started going on. There were quite a few suicides amongst the town, and in fact the locality's teenager. Some people insensitively joke that they would too if they lived there. Anyway the stories have had loads of coverage both locally back home and across the UK and the one thing that keeps coming up is the fact that they can't find a connection between them.
Anyway last Monday I went to see the new M Night Shymalman (or however you spell his name) film. As I say I found it quite an entertaining movie but didn't take it too seriously.
Censorship. Is this a step too far? Is it kind of suggesting that anyone who lives in Bridgend and watches this film may be inspired by the going ons and take their life into their hands?
In saying all this I really feel I need to give a disclaimer: I like Bridgend - one of my best friends family lives there and another close friend went to college there. I have on a few occasions chosen a quiet night out in Bridgend over a night out in a larger city. There is nothing wrong with the place in my eyes!]]>Hatred in Bromsgroveurn:uuid:5ae02a10-b8e0-5b6c-4ca1-ed405bbe9fff2008-06-22T17:08:26-04:00
My partner has lived in Bromsgrove for about four years now. She chose the house because the neighbourhood seemed nice and relatively quiet. We lived without incident around the area for about two years before little idiots picked up on the fact that we were a female couple.
I guess the reason they noticed us was due to the adoption of our dog we were suddenly getting out and about in the neighbourhood a little more.
To start with things were quiet. Then one day over at the local park taunts of "lemon" "lesbians" and various other unpleasantries started. We reacted a couple of times then chose to ignore it. Then one day I was over in te park and a gang started screaming at me and gf...she ran home and got her car. They continued to yell at me with taunts of "ha ha she's left you now" I didn't say anything in response. I just walked home and they chose to follow me the bulk of the way back. We then got the car and went to find them armed with camera phone. They hid after telling us that we had sex using strap ons and various unpleasantries.
After several similar incidents we stopped visiting the park. Walking the dog elsewhere seemed the answer. Yes we reported these incidents to the police but nothing was done.
We changed parks and once again ended up getting tormented after a few weeks - we really do ignore these people so don't get it. They must be a maximum of 16 or 17 years old. Once again we reported it to the police and nothing was done. I caught some in school uniform and naively thought reporting it to their school would help...it didn't though!
So we've walked around here a lot less lately except the weather is getting nicer and we aren't going to be kept in.
Tonight we went for a curry and very nice it was too. On the way back we saw some idiots driving their mates around on the roof of the car. We stopped to marvel in their stupidity. The Escort I mentioned pulled alongside us and some voices screamed out "lesbians" "faggots".
So it begins again.
I mean no one any harm. Neither does my partner. We force our sexuality on nobody - we don't typically hold hands in public or anything. We don't scream abuse at you because you are apparently lacking brain cells.
Please leave us alone! ]]>I'm a crossdresser...urn:uuid:b36f75e7-2e81-b7d9-25ca-350cd61331392008-06-22T12:56:41-04:00
Well I have to be honest it's not a subject I know lots about...I know one of gf's friends enjoys a spot of crossdressing in his spare time and spends lots of his ebay time looking at shoes and other frippery..I also know that when I go to the gay bars of Birmingham, London, Paris, Madrid...(okay so mainly Birmingham) there are lots of men there who look far more feminine than the ladies...but how is it never the ones who look most feminine and soft skinned who never go for full drag when they could carry it off so easily...
Transvestites...making an effort when they go out so that the lesbian population of this world doesn't have to!! ]]>The joys of Facebookurn:uuid:2e36fd49-6abe-da40-3273-12755a1b507e2008-06-18T16:20:39-04:00
My computer decided it was going to die on me last week you see - the lights on the power supply were on but everything else was off. Very frustrating and always the case that it happens when you need the machine most (in my case for interview prep).
So I considered getting it fixed but as it's a laptop I figured this was beyond the means of my near empty bank account and so I went running to my Mum and Dad who decided they'd upgrade theirs and I could have the old machine that was being replaced.
It is a nice enough machine to be honest and perhaps most importantly restores my ability to surf the web and so I decided to look at facebook.
I have beem away from the site for about a week in total and was taken aback to have 300+ requests. Now what I don't get about facebook is you have an application it still sends you a request which you have to accept. You don't have the application you have to accept a request and it is blooming frustrating!!
I joined facebook as a method to keep in touch with people and get back in contact with those I thought I had lost touch with all those years ago and whilst the pretty applications are lovely do I need them no...
Last time I checked I think I was collecting...Monsters...Muppets...Retro Sweets...Care Bears...Rainbow Brites...Lesbian gifts and about half a dozen other things....
Why?]]>Birthdaysurn:uuid:b1c5d7d4-4933-3ced-a0cd-68cc1bc224cb2008-06-18T04:58:18-04:00
So, on the off chance that you are out there Happy Birthday Leigh Corn I am sorry for the way I treated you and if you're out there in cyberland I hope all is going well for you in love and life...
x]]>memory blockurn:uuid:b725d3d8-fc38-427e-6f5c-d1bc3938a6012008-06-17T05:25:45-04:00
My life isn't particularly empty at the moment or lacking in any aspect yet I have nothing I particularly want to share with the world.
I started writing this in the hope that something interesting would come out of my head and on to the screen in front of me...
It hasn't...
I'm going]]>job woesurn:uuid:bf889dd6-d3c0-56a5-fbf5-9e976014499a2008-06-11T11:52:08-04:00
Last Friday I had an interview with the local Police force to become a trainer with them. It sounded like an interesting job and I felt more positve about the interview than I had done in ages. I looked less scruffy than usual, I came across as confident and when I looked back at the questions wouldn't have answered them differently.
Anyway now at the middle of this week and I still haven't heard from them. I guess this means I was unsuccessful despite everything and whilst I can cope with that I just wish they'd let me know that this was the case for definite instead of leaving me with the slightest glimmer of home...
So today anyway I went for another interview - I don't feel at all positive about this one yet I am still holding out for the phonecall to say congratulations you've done it. I've been told I'll know on Friday but I won't hold my breath.
I hate it when people don't keep their word and string you on. For some reason the bigger the company the worse they are at contacting you and that sucks!]]>lobster grrrrlurn:uuid:b16cb6af-1827-929e-4430-91289c023c122008-06-09T07:16:07-04:00
We left the house early and didn't really notice how warm it was until mid afternoon when my gf points to my arms and suggests spending some time in the shade....
Today I am lobster girl...my arms are red and everyone seems to want to prod them to feel just how hot they really are!!
Grrr!]]>Toilet talk...a ranturn:uuid:23a5d445-1a09-a1a4-8d4e-73200c2dbbdc2008-06-04T07:12:59-04:00
In today's society cleanliness is a major issue. With the spreading of super bugs like MRSA and c.diff we are increasingly encouraged to wash our hands either using water and soap or special alcohol wash. Wherever you go in the UK you are met with signs telling you when the facilities were last cleaned. They even provide you with a number to ring should they not be satisfactory.
It is also the case though that with inflation and the economy as it is the government and it's agencies are trying to hold on to their money. I notice this as I have been a temp with a government agency for 12 weeks now (rather than them taking me on with a contract).
Anyway it is not often that I stop and pause to think about things like this but I guess the two were highlighted to me on a visit to the toilet at work. A sign outside told me that today the toilets had a male cleaner and that this nice man was called Colin.
First I thought about the ridiculous aspects of it all - whilst it is nice to know that there is a man cleaning the loo why on earth do I need to know his name. Do they expect me to go about my business whilst having a chat with Colin? Or do they expect me to provide Colin with a card to congratulate him on how well he is doing his jobs.
Then I thought how typical the whole situation was of the state we in Britain are in...
We want clean and nice environments to work in. We complain about taxes. The government cuts back from the bottom rungs of the pay ladder first. Instead of two cleaners - one for the girls and another for the boys...we have Colin...
Maybe I should go and buy him that card before he quits and we are left with filthy toilets...I mean the post boy who left 10 weeks ago wasn't replaced and I am not convinced Colin would be either!]]>Careersurn:uuid:3ba814fe-7139-1e39-3092-8640e4d425892008-06-02T11:22:51-04:00
Every day I travel around 25 miles to work which whilst not a huge distance is more than I would like. Every week I fill up the car with petrol amounting to the equivalent of a week's wages to get here and then when I do I sit and do very little for seven and a half hours.
I wish I knew what I wanted to do with my life so I could find a more inspiring job - until then I am stuck here!
]]>Hi everyone...I'm Sian the Maniac Pixieurn:uuid:a644bd93-9d44-b1ae-c88e-00c9ebc3ea8a2008-06-02T05:47:57-04:00
Dictionary.com says
Maniac
1. a raving or violently insane person; lunatic.
2. any intemperate or overly zealous or enthusiastic person:
Now while I can be enthusiastic on occasions I don't think I am raving or violently insane...
Pixie
1. a fairy or sprite, esp. a mischievous one.
2. a small, pert, or mischievous person.
...and whilst I am short and slightly mischevious I don't think I am a fairy, sprite or particularly small
I guess it is quite cute though and quite an interesting alter ego to have - even if it is apparently just based on the glimmer in my eyes before I do something silly!!!
]]>Smileurn:uuid:a5650289-ed41-def0-240a-b3dac3eca0272008-05-29T06:53:11-04:00
- my dog
- my girlfriend
- my mum & dad
- my family
- my friends
- holidays in the sun
- music
- gigs
- TV (especially Neighbours, The Apprentice, Peep Show)
- films
- people smiling at me
- people laughing
- beer
- kids
- silly things
- memories
- making a list like this
What makes you smile?]]>Losturn:uuid:e23118b4-e3fe-c9a0-caf8-dcb94a3ad4db2008-05-28T04:38:56-04:00
As I have got older and wiser my tendency to lose things has become better...more care and attention has been taken to things...when I first had a mobile I was terrified of losing it....I managed six months before I did and then it was only in my shoe so wasn't too tragic...
So, I thought I had outgrown this nonsense. Thought that with adulthood I was becoming more sensible...
About two months ago I lost my iPod...thought it was gone for good but then found it eventually in a bag on my windowsill...I remembered when I rediscovered it why it was in that bag and everything...even had a good giggle about it...
Then yesterday I lost my important possession...my mobile phone is my life line that keeps me in touch with everyone...I don't have a house phone...I remembered talking on it as I got to work....and I remembered it being in my pocket...then come home time it wasn't there....I spent the evening stressing...mainly on facebook and msn as I couldn't phone anyone about it could I...was going to report it lost...then I came into work and was met by my colleague grinning..."look in your in tray"....and there it was...she's found it on the floor...it must have fallen out of my pocket and while it was in bits it was quicjly put back together again...
I am going to start taking greater care of my belongings...
...I promise!]]>Musicurn:uuid:9e85a076-9ff9-034e-d80d-5b6daf10251e2008-05-27T06:43:13-04:00
I love the beats...
I love the tunes...
I love the lyrics...
It therefore absolutely kills me that...
I can't sing...
I can't play...
I have tried in the past. I used to be a member of the school choir...I got kicked out when they realised I was tone deaf...
I tried learning the piano...one hand was okay...introduce the second and I was screwed...
So these days I just listen...I like it that way...and it means that no ears get damaged!]]>Sooooo cooooooooooldurn:uuid:2704710d-fae8-be4f-e1f4-e5fd6eb8fcea2008-05-27T05:20:39-04:00Why blog?urn:uuid:c39125a0-7df0-3480-68e1-e596c3d2de422008-05-23T07:56:00-04:00
I have in the past managed to get so depressed that I have been signed off work for periods lasting close to 100 days. I have in the past been told by my doctor that I need a career change. So it's kind of serious and kind of miserable.
In terms of treatment being medicated for depression results in employers not taking you quite as seriously as they should. Bosses aren't concerned about how well you can do your job but instead see the depression as a red light that you are going to have lots of time of sick. With me it resulted in not getting permanent contracts as a teacher. I'd stress over this get anxious, depressed and end up with a chunk of sick on my next application. This would then lead to the same old situation being repeated. Now this shouldn't be the case due to disability acts and equality too but it is!
So on my last period of sickness my gal suggested I do something about it other than medicine. She got me to write lists about what was good in my life, what I would like to do with my life, where I was going. The outpuring of these things on to paper helped. I started as a result to keep a diary.
From there things grew. Rather than just write I liked to take photos, draw stuff get things down there. I then discovered blogging and hence the reason why I now keep this blog...
I write my blog for me. If you enjoy reading it please carry on. If you don't it was nice knowing you...
I think in some ways depression is best summed up by the wonderful Holly Golightly in Breakfast At Tiffany's so I will leave you with her words...
Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of.]]>the downsurn:uuid:305d2912-5d36-fe60-8bee-339162885aa22008-05-22T10:34:27-04:00
I hate feeling like this as having suffered with depression in the past I know this is often one of the key indicators that I am heading on a downward spiral...
So what am I doing to combat all this today? I'm going to go and see my girlfriend after work. She is working away from home at the moment and whilst it involves a 2 hour drive I fugure that seeing her and having a nice big cuddle will help no end!
I am going to be so tired in work tomorrow but I am prepared to take that risk!]]>
