The last few days have been kinda crazy emotionally....I've really been missing my friends that have passed away. I've been thinking alot about the people who have come in and out of my life, and what each one means to me. Everyday I am reminded of my friends Matt and Shane( I have a tattoo remembering both of them one my arm which I've had for a yr now). Both were in my life for a very short time, but you know how sometimes when you meet someone you instantly "click" it was like that with both of them. I met Shane when I was 17 and going through alot of stuff(emotionally). We were in a group together, but only got to hang out when this group had conferences. Shane was killed in Augest of 2002 by a drunk driver. The last time I had seen Shane I remember being really mad at him( I wish I could take that feeling back). I never did get to go to his funeral( He was from Toronto  ON and I lived in London ON). I have the story that was in the Toronto Star that weekend  about Shanes death which I read and look at his picture in everyday.

I only knew my other friend Matt for a few months before he died in November of 2005. We met through a karaoke show that my friend was hosting in Strathroy ON. The first  night I was there Matt was one of the 1st people I noticed. I couldn't tell you what automatically drew me to him other than to say I believe God was trying to bring us together. Slowly Matt and I started hanging out/talking more on the nights we would be there for karaoke. I started to see little things in Matt that reminded me of myself and other things that made Matt uniquly himself( the crazy lupercan). The last night we hung out before he passed the owner of the bar kept trying to get us to sit closer to eachother or to dance( I had never told anyone there that I had a thing for Matt). I noticed when  Eddie( the owner of the bar ) tried to get us  to do this Matt would blush like I could feel myself doing as well. That whole night I couldn't explain it( cause I didn't realize it untill after), but I really wanted to hug Matt goodbye( although I never did). A couple of days later I got a call from my friend letting me know that Matt had passed away.  That night I sat and wrote a poem about Matt, which I wanted to give to his roomate Frank when we went to the vistation (instead frank gave it to Matt's mom who walked over to me and said it described Matt perfectly. I later found out she read it at Matt's funeral). Eddie( the owner from the bar ) came up to me while I was saying my final goodbye to Matt and he said something to me that didn't click in untill a few days later he said " Jess I tried.". I now know what he meant was that the last night we were all together he had been trying to get Matt and I togehter .


So although I'd only known these two great guys they both had a great inmpact on my life and my heart. So what I'm saying is make sure you let those who are close to you know just how much you love them, cause you never know how long they will be here!!!