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Well, I thought I would give this a try - everyone talks about it and everyone seems to be doing it. I hope that it will be theraputic, I certainly know that writing in a diary has always been theraputic for me, but the problem there is that no one gets to see that - ever!
I thought about blogging on some of the social network sites, but in all honest I think I want anonymity.
I'm struggling at the moment, which is dissapointing, as after having battled with this horrible anxiety disorder - or panic attacks - whatever you label it for years, I finally felt I was on top of it - in control. And I really have been for the last 2 years, but recently I have been floundering again.
I know why, and it's the same reason I have struggled before - I dont deal with things when they happen. The emotionally draining stuff - the parents divorce, the move oversea's, Uni, work and my brothers diagnosis with epilespy. I have always just said 'I'm fine' and moved on to the next thing. Really I havent been, I've been hurting, I've been scared and I've been drained.
I have a fantastic hypnotherapist who I worked with 2 years ago and she really helped me get back to the confident and happy person I once was by dealing with all those bottled up emotions. And I was doign so so well - really I was. Then my bro started having fits, about 6 months ago - culminating in the big one which happened while he was with me, and only me. I have never been so scared in my life - I really thought I was loosing him. But I didnt look for comfort, I didnt say I was scared and I didnt let it hurt that he now had something else to cope with on top of everyhting else - instead I tried to be strong for him and Mum, just not let on.
As always, this has come back to bite me.
I hate feeling helpless, scared and overwhelmingly frightened. It's my body and my mind and surely I have the control over the way it reacts? If I dont want to have sweaty palms for no reason I dont have to have, if I dont want to feel shaky and tremble - I dont have to. I want that level of control over this horrible thing that I had 6 motnhs ago back - I want my life back.
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Posted by shorty82 on 2007-11-06 07:43:27 | Rating: | Views: 85
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If you will receive this, I would like to pray for you.
Dear Heavenly Father, I ask you would invade Shorty's life with your kingdom. Your kingdom has no brokeness. So I pray for wholeness in every part of Shorty's life. Come Holy Spirit and reveal the man Christ Jesus who came to make all things new. It is through His name we encounter life. Amen
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Posted by Beloved
on 2007-11-06 08:30:32
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shorty82
United Kingdom
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