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boys:nick and sky, and commitment

all the time boys are on my mind
boys
boys
boys
and theres this boy that today has been on my mind
sky
sky
sky
but theres a confussion i'm needing to get out and i can't hold it in any longer
ok so here it goes
when my parents were married everything was great, we were the most perfect family you would ever imagine.
and then the pieces fell and the world ended and it was horrible
words can't even describe how horrible
and so the fact that my parents were so commited to each other, and all of a sudden everything stopped
yes o yes im unable to commit because of this
i'm not very old, i'm in 8th grade, but the truth about me and boys is the following:
going out with a boy scares me more then you would ever know
and i relize that that makes it sound like i'm scared of boys, but i'm not, i mean i have a tun of friends that are boys, just no boyfriends, and i always flirt with them
but i'm 13 years old and i've never made out with someone
and it strangly scares my friends nick, idk why
hes always joking around calling me prude
and he has no idea how much it hurts when he does
because the problems in his life are problems he's made, by drinking, smoking, cutting himself
i'm a stright A student, i'm considerably nice, i'm considered "popular" but who really knows what on earth that means
i don't really get what i deserve in my opinion
and so last year i went out with this guy named james, [[two different ones actually, but they are the only ppl i've ever gone out with]]
and i broke up with them b/c i was scared i mean seriously, it just scares me
and i know it sounds like i'm crazy because theres no way that going out with some1 in 8th grade is really going to be the person you marry, less alone its barley a commitment
so tell me this, am i destinted to end up as a 80 year old whos only had flings? because of irrashional feelings?
how did this happen?
so i was talking to sky and i told him i liked him
which i do i mean i may not be able to commit to someone but i'm deffently not a lebs [not that theres anything wrong with that]]
and so he said he liked me back and was going to ask me out in person on monday
isn't that so cute? that he wants to ask me out in person?!
and its monday, and i'm scared
because i like him
and i don't want to hurt his feeling and break up with someone i like because.;..i'm scared
and its not like i'm scared hes going to push me too far or anything because hes totally not like that
i think some of this comes from nick
i know hes joking around
but god hes also messed me up
we kinda...idk have a thing where we flirt? and stuff but he confusing me more then i've ever been confused before
because i could swear he likes me, but then he turns around and tells me a story of him having sex with a girl in the snow
sick right?
why do i like someone who would be that gross?
why do i like him to begin with?
everyone thinks we like each other, but he doesn't go out with people, and so i promised myself that i wouldn't let myself do anything with him until we were going out
but i'm like one of the only ppl in my grade whos never made out with a guy
yes mom i know its not a competition
but it sucks
so heres the thing:
sky:commitment, cute guy, i really do like him,
nick: fling, 80 year old hooker, slut for not going out with him
i wonder if the people in books even ever have to go through this
because if you know of one, give me it so i can read how to fix it
because what do i do?
i bet you can't even help me
i wonder if sky will actually ask me out anyways...