| View Blog
|
|
| Sin - and what being a non-conformist is like
|
|
|
You know, I was raised a Baptist Christian and I still am to this day, although I definitely hide some of my more sexually "inappropriate" behaviors and fantasies from most others just because I don't think anyone can be trusted.
First of all, I identify as a lesbian. I love women and I love having sex with women. That's a fact. I love the idea of having sex with a woman while someone else watches (which I've never done but still want to), and I enjoy playing with sex toys and whatnot.
I hate to admit that I feel this way because deep down inside I believe it's wrong, but at the same time, I'm not entirely sure I want to stop feeling this way... only because it feels like a part of me.
I know I'm probably contradicting myself here, but I tend to do that a lot anyway. It's just that if I were to decide not to practice a homosexual lifestyle, I still could not imagine having a sexual relationship with a man. I just couldn't do it. Yes, I've had sex with a handful of men in the past... but I do not consider myself attracted to them.
And let me tell ya, I've got a whole LOT of religious guilt surrounding this whole issue. I don't even want to talk about that right now.
|
|
Posted by shinesweetly on 2008-08-06 11:59:50 | Rating: | Views: 50
|
|
| |
|
|
| Blog Comments
|
|
|
|
I'm going through some of what you are.
Im bi (leaning towards lesbian. we'll just say 'confused.') and a very strong christian.
I can't really help you out with the guilt that comes with the sex-toys and the heavy amount of sex--- Im a serial monogamist, but I can imagine how much guilt would come along with struggling between God and... sexual expression. And Im sorry youre going through that.
As for the 'gay thing...' My advice to you is do your research. When I first told some of my Christian friends, I got a lot of surface level answers: 'god made you this way, dont woryr about it.'
That answer didnt cut it for me at all, because I was WELL aware of what the Bible said regarding homosexuality. But then I started doing my research. First, there are alternative explanations for every one of the verses condemning homosexuality (i wont elaborate here, message me if you want.) Second, there are examples of heavily spiritual relationships between men (siad to be 'closer than the relationship of man and woman...') that God wholeheartedly approves of.
Anyways. Do your research. The guilt will ease a little.
Just know that there are plenty like you out there.
Gay, christian, struggling to hold onto both pieces of their identity.
good luck :)
|
|
Posted by brightbluecotton
on 2008-08-12 10:38:41
|
|
|
|
|
|
Email This to a Friend 
