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| My so called Life...chapter 2
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Pulling into the drive of our new home in Tennessee was an amazing thing for a seven year old. It was 1970 and it was Christmas time. My father had secured a trailer(imagine that, 10 people), until he could find a house. The trailer sat on a hill backed into some thick woods. If you stood on the steps going in the front door and turned around you could see mountains all around, and at the time they were covered with snow. I had never seen mountains and they seemed close enough to touch, it was an amazing sight for me and is forever imprinted in my mind. I was excited to move into a new place, children find pleasure in the simplest things. One thing I remember about the trailer(and this is the only time we lived in a trailer), is that the wind blew fiercely, and that was scary. I was so afraid the trailer would topple off of the hill and roll to the bottom, killing us all.
My dad was excited to see all of us and this is the first place I remember seeing him in our home, though I know from the history of our family that he was in our other homes. That night he gave my mother money to buy groceries and supplies and a gift for each of us. While she was gone, he entertained us with his guitar singing silly songs to us. He sang: Wake up little Suzy(sister), Hang on Slupey- Hang on and On Top of Spaghetti. Why I remember this so clearly is beyond me, but I see him sitting on the couch with all of us around him singing with him. This was clearly a good memory for me and a happy time with my father.
While I know my mother bought us a gift, it does not stick out in my mind what it was. If I had to guess from the years that followed, she bought a coloring book and crayons for each of us. She bought fruit and nuts and maybe a box of pepermint candy. Mostly she spent that money on food as young, growing children need food, more than we needed toys. I never remember getting a new pair of clothes, shoes or anything of that sort. She made our clothes on a sewing machine, or they were gifts from well meaning citizens who found us worthy of their generosity. I don't remember ever going cold or hungry, I would suggest she did the best she could with her limited resources, and as a small child I did not recognize how impoverished we were. My mother loved us and I recall even as a small child knowing that she struggled to keep us fed and clothed.
The next day we were all allowed to go outside to play in the snow. Having never seen snow, and it being several inches deep we were ecstatic. Bless my mother's heart for her patience with us. Because we were unaccustomed to snow, we had no mittens. We used socks(8 pairs) to cover our hands and keep them dry. We built a snowman and threw snowballs and overall had a great time. I can remember being shocked that my socks(hands) got wet so fast and so cold. You really can't tell by looking at it that snow is so wet and that it dissolves so fast. I remember the pile of wet clothes that we shed upon coming back into the house. I know my mother had to be overwhelmed with the sheer volume of laundry and just for a few minutes in the snow.
I don't remember receiving any toys for Christmas, as a matter of fact, I don't remember any toys ever being bought for us. I do remember that my mother cooked sweet rolls for us, which was a special treat that she made. They made the house smell yummy and they were tender and sweet, clearly made with a lot of love. We always had a ham, potatoe salad and vegetables for Christmas dinner, and I am sure we had this meal that year.
I entered a new school after Christmas break was over. I don't have any memory whatsoever of my brief stay at this school. I know I was only there for a couple of weeks, which looking back as an adult must have been hard to wrap my mind around. When you are seven, you just roll with the flow and don't question the motives of the adults in charge of you, at least we didn't. We had to go to this school because in Tennessee you go to the school you are zoned for. They are sticklers for school attendance, so though we wouldn't be there long we were enrolled.
I can say this for my parents, they taught us to respect the adults in the world. A look of disdain would be wiped off your face quickly by someone's hand, so that was not an option. We didn't ask questions and were not asked for our opinions on any subject. We were just kids and when I was growing up, you were not privy to what the adults were planning, you just did as you were told. If my mother cooked meatloaf, you ate meatloaf. She didn't offer to run to Mc Donalds and pick you up some chicken nuggets. You ate whatever was served and you were grateful to get it. My dad was big on serving nutritious foods to us, and my mom was big on us eating it. Many is the time I recall sitting with a plate of food that I did not want until I finished it. After all, there are starving people all around the world. My thoughts on that as a child was, please send them this food promptly. Ha! I don't mind sharing. :)
With the promise of a better tomorrow, my mother moved us to Tennessee to reunite with her husband and the father to her children. I had no doubt that she wanted to believe he could improve and do better as he promised. She was soon to be disappointed in her trust as he began to drink heavily. I don't remember any specific problems while we lived in the trailer, but all was soon to change because they had located a house in the neighboring town.
A quick note for the reader and my children. I was born in a time in America when the government left families alone. There was no welfare system, no women's shelters, no childrens advocates, nowhere to turn except to family. Lest the reader think that my mother should have made different choices, I would like to remind you there were no options. Eight children, while a blessing from God, are also a huge burden. I blame my mother for nothing that happened to me as a child. I adore her and admire the courage that she showed in sticking by us to defend us and care for us at every turn. She is a strong woman and has taught me tenacity and strength over weakness. I am sure given the opportunity for a better way of life for herself and her children she would have taken it wholeheartedly. Thankyou for understanding this important part of my story and while I invite you to feel compassion for our situation, please don't be quick to lay blame. Thanks! shemelts
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Posted by shemelts on 2008-04-18 08:26:41 | Rating: | Views: 103
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Another great post!
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Posted by pitapie50
on 2008-04-18 15:20:53
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shemelts... I can totally relate to this chapter. It was like this for me as well. Only difference is there were 3 girls and we were basically unwanted and thus treated as slaves. We weren't allowed to speak unless spoken too [be seen & not heard]. We weren't allowed to complain else we too would find a hand across the mouth. I learned a lot from that portion of my life. I will never live that way again. Thank God for all HE has done to place me in the wonderful life I'm in now.
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Posted by InsertHere
on 2008-04-21 17:59:50
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