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I got married exactly one month shy of my 20th birthday to a man who was 6 months my junior. We had dated for almost two years, in an intense sweep you off your feet love affair. He adored me and I him, and we set off in wedded bliss. The next 25 years of my life rushed past me with the births of two children, career changes, purchasing a home, and making ends meet. We concreted our marriage over these many years with love and made a commitment to raising our children in a loving home. We have been through births and deaths, car accidents and illnesses, happiness and anger. Through it all, we always found our way back to the love we originally had for each other.
Our relationship is such that I can complete his sentences and we often say the exact same thing at the same time. I will suggest we go somewhere..and he will say "Oh my gosh..I was just thinking the same thing". I can read his body language, even in the dark. I can tell by the way he moves his hands how he feels.. He knows how I feel by looking at me, or even the tone of my voice. Another words we are totally insync with one another.
I respect my husband for all the efforts he has made over the years to make our lives complete and to show that he loved me and our children unconditionally. I have returned this unconditional love to him in a generous fashion. The reality of marriage is that it is hard work and it never gets easier. In an ever changing world as you grow older you question your choices. I believe it is normal to question where you are and how you got there and most of all ..is this where you really want to be.
In our years together there have been many disputes..Never once did we seperate from each other or sleep apart. Though we might have questioned why we were still here, and what the other person was feeling or thinking, we never considered seperating to figure that out. We made the effort to have a united front with our children and to show them that although adults who are married will have problems, those problems can usually be worked out with time and patience. I always believed that once you had children you made a commitment to raising those children in a loving home together, if at all possible.
I have admitted to my husband that I have regrets about not going to college and pursuing the career of my dreams. I don't regret having got married or having my children..I just regret that I did not go to college. It is what it is though, and that is water under that illusive bridge. Every day of every persons life is a challenge. Somedays the challenges come easy and you float through the day, and somedays the challenges are overwhelming. The weight of these days wear you down and make you question yourself even more.
My husband and I have discussed divorce more than once in the past 25 years, and we discussed the financial repurcussions for both of us. We are not stupid by any means and like anything else we have ever done together, we looked at it from all sides. It is definitely cheaper to stay together and much easier on both of us to work together to pay our debts (house, vehicles, college). I don't think this is an indication of our marriage falling apart, just an indication that we both know what would happen should we make that decision.
I am committed to keeping my marriage alive and thriving. It is just a difficult task on a day to day basis with all the challenges life presents. He is also committed to keeping our love alive and our marriage stable. I think that if you have ever been in a relationship for more than three months, you know how difficult it can be.
The post I wrote yesterday was a joke. Though there was some truth in it..it was meant to be funny. Though I have been married for 25 years, I have not lost my sense of humor. I would say I actually honed it in my marriage..because sometimes you just gotta laugh at the situation.
peace :) shemelts
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Posted by shemelts on 2008-09-05 10:11:53 | Rating: | Views: 55
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i wish i too had a relationship as strong as yours. Good for you!
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Posted by ffeeona
on 2008-09-05 10:41:53
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You are not too old to take some college courses...I myself had thought about that lately. Like you, I have been married since I was 20. Raising children and keeping our marriage together has been our "job." Like you said, sense of humor is definitely needed. I think you are both doing an excellent "job."
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Posted by slowtolearn
on 2008-09-05 11:31:40
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