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Well folks, I am aggravated. Seems I have angered someone and as I normally do, I am questioning myself. Maybe I am too harsh or judgemental. Maybe I expect people to think like I do and to agree with me. Maybe I should learn to keep my big mouth shut! The last sentence is probably the biggest understatement of the day. When will I ever learn. Oh Well..... :(
First of all, I am a people pleaser, the peacemaker and the one who usually gives into other people's wants and needs putting myself last. I have over the years gotten stronger though and tried to be more careful about letting people run over me. I learned to say "no" when I felt I could not accomodate the other person's needs. I always feel bad when I say no to people though, and question whether I was selfish with that answer.
Anywho, most of you know I own a daycare. I have 7 children from all walks of life and different backgrounds. This is where the problem starts. I have a 2 1/2 year old boy in the daycare..beautiful, sweet and smart...just a cutie. Mom and dad are "engaged" and they both work. She works at Walmart and he has a construction job. He works loooonnnngggg hours in another town and the mother does not drive. When I took this child three months ago, I questioned her ability to get him picked up on time everyday..to which she replied, it will be no problem. Since then this child has been picked up by a litany of people..mostly from their church. Somedays a random stranger drives up and asks for him..and I have no choice but to send him with them...YIKES! Now I am bothered by this greatly..due to the fact that child molesters are everywhere..and who knows..may be picking this child up (without his mother).
On Monday, dad drops off the child and is aggitated. He tells me that the mother will have to walk to pick him up..he tried to get her to keep him at home for the day ...because she did not HAVE TO WORK. It is a good 3 to 4 mile walk on a curvy road. Mom is healthy and I'm thinking..maybe this mother will see that she needs to get her driver's license and start being independent. Apparently all the good members of their church are fed up with driving all these miles to pick her and this child up..did I mention gas is $4.00 a gallon..Hello?? So for this day..she is on her own with no plan to pick him up..and she CHOOSES to send him to daycare, knowing that she will have to walk to and from her home to get him.
At 4:45, she walks up..it is 95 degrees outside and I have the children playing under our large shade trees on the playground. I offer her cold water and a seat on the swing before she heads back. She is upset that noone seems to want to help her pick up the little boy... Hello??? the church members have been helping for months, including the preacher. So she rests and it is time to go, so she takes the boy and heads out.
Here is where my problem begins..Several parents come at the same time to pick up their children. They are all concerned about this mother walking with this child. I told them that she had to walk and pick him up because the church members are probably tired of doing it. I told them if I were them, I would not pick her up, due to the fact that she will expect them to do it everyday. One parent in particular was mortified that I would advise them not to pick up this child and his mother..and told me so. I told her..well you can pick them up if you want to, but she will expect you to do it over and over again. Said parent leaves and within minutes calls me back and says.."If I ever see you walking on the side of the road..I will just pass you by". Hmm..I said..well that is fine by me.
Tuesday morning, this parent comes into the daycare and says "I am still very angry with you"! I say.."You will get over it"..to which she replies.."No, you will get over it". Yikes!! She then told me that I should have cared more for the child than that..seeing as he spends his entire day here with me. She just could not believe that I would let that child go out in that heat in a stroller. I told her that it was not about the child..this mother needs to be responsible and find a better way to transport him..This mother chose to put that child in that position..I did not. She left in a huff..which I hate..because folks, I hate conflict. I then wrote her a letter explaining the situation better and hoping that she would understand my point of view. Likely as not, it may have made her angrier. She will likely let me have it when she sees me again.
Oh well!
Now I am questioning whether I was right or wrong. Is it wrong to expect parents to be responsible for their children? Should this mother not overcome her fear of driving to give her child safer transportation to and from childcare? Should we as a society not make people stand on their own two feet, and stop enabling them to abuse the kindness of others? At what point do we push our compassion aside and give people the chance to learn through natural consequences? I am struggling with the balance between helping people and allowing them to abuse the system.
Such is life..I am sure this is a minor problem, compared to most people's problems..but it really bothers me. Once again..my big mouth gets me into trouble..Anyone got some tape?? :)
peace :) shemelts
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Posted by shemelts on 2008-07-23 08:27:43 | Rating: | Views: 118
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3/4 of a mile is not that far. . . . even if it is hot - I don't believe you owe the woman who is angry at you any explanation at all - if she attacks you over it again try to let it roll off your back - Are you seriously supposed to provide daycare AND transportation?? ummm. . . . no.
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Posted by Ceta
on 2008-07-23 08:39:51
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I feel too that you did the right thing.
Going from what you said, she expects this from people. And thats not right.
And she didnt have to work that day and still sent the child to day care? She should have spent quality time with the little one.
Stick to your guns, if that other parent doesnt understand, then its their problem not yours.
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Posted by 1221dol0306
on 2008-07-23 09:03:13
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I feel you are correct in your thinking. Where you went wrong is giving to much information (as to the user this lady is) to the other parents who wanted to help her. I think it would have went better if you had said ... "yes her walking 3 to 4 miles, in the heat, is a concern, but it's my policy not to provide transportation to and from my daycare .... if I do it for one client everyone will want that service ... and doing so creates an insurance liability." If one of the other parents wanted to offer her a ride, so be it and it's not your problem or concern if down the road these parents get sucked into giving her a ride daily. For some reason people are most happy forming their opinions (of any given situation) first hand rather than from the perception of another. Hope the parent doesn't continue to "dog" you on this issue. Peace.
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Posted by ColoradoDreamin
on 2008-07-24 01:15:23
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What I'm wondering is about the Mom that is angry with you. If she was so concerned did she go out of her way to take this Lady and her child home? If she didn't she has no room to complain.
I believe no driving Mom has worn out her welcome. Most people don't mind helping out from time to time. Being taken advantage of is another story.
Girl you did what was right for you, can't please everybody all of the time. Stick to your guns, if another doesn't agree with you thats their problem.
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Posted by pitapie50
on 2008-07-24 07:46:06
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Thank you all for your kind words. I do realize that I should have just let the parents learn this lesson for themselves. Colorado Dreamin is right..I gave too much information. Lesson learned.
Pitapie..yes she picked the woman and child up and took them home.
This family will continue to struggle with this issue until people stop enabling them. She needs to get a license and be independant.
peace :) shemelts
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Posted by shemelts
on 2008-07-24 08:02:10
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Yea, that lady who was all like up in your grill-o about how you should have some compassion just needs to SHOVE IT! Need I mention where she should shove it? I think you know. Anyways, you did the right thing, shemelts: here is a video to remind you about what is important in life, http://youtube.com/watch?v=nv3y4ceOn1Q.
This was Hamburglar letting you know what's up.
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Posted by Hamburglar
on 2008-07-24 08:26:06
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Some people are just parasites and will continue to suck others dry forever. It's not your responsibility to retrain them, nor is it Mad Mom's place to chew you out for your stand. I applaud you! If you were lacking in compassion, you would not be operating a day care!
To address your concerns about strangers picking the kids up, what about requiring a "password" of some sort from the picker-upper? Something that could only be given to the person from one of the parents? Might make you feel safer about handing the younguns over to strangers.
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Posted by BootLady
on 2008-07-24 09:44:57
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Thanks again for the support..and Hamburglar..ha!
Bootlady..It is not a matter of whether they should be picking the child up..I have no doubt she sent them to pick him up. My issue is..in this day in time..what kind of mother sends random people from the church to pick up their child? People who go to her church..are just people. Who knows what they might do..when they are not at the church. How do you have blind faith in people? I don't..not where a child is concerned. Maybe its me???
To clarify..My daycare home is PRIVATE.
There are no signs, no advertising, no way to find it without explicit directions. I live on a private drive..and unless someone is instructed clearly on how to get here..they won't just be dropping in. Hell half the time I have to talk to people on their cell phones..until they get here for the first time..Ha!
peace :) shemelts
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Posted by shemelts
on 2008-07-24 12:56:10
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I believe that it was this childs mother responsiblity to better transport her child, not yours. I don't see why the lady got mad at you. Its not ur child. The mother chose to put her child in that position. You are NOT responsible when the child is in the mothers hands. But u can chose to drop the child off at his home but its not ur obligation to do so. I believe u did the right thing.
I am like you, a people pleaser. I need to learn how to say NO to other people.
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Posted by Plakola
on 2008-07-31 15:56:17
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and another thing......if the mother doesn't work, she didn't have to put her child in daycare. I mean whats wrong with people nowadays. Me and you are like the only ones with common sense nowadays and a very few people
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Posted by Plakola
on 2008-07-31 17:02:29
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