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 A Talk With the LADIES.....
Hi ladies, please gather round for a little talk. Yes, pull up a chair, grab you some coffee and let's chat. Well mostly I will talk and you will listen, but I think if you listen closely, you may learn something you did not know. That is my hope.

First of all, I want to tell each and everyone of you that you are special, unique and precious, in your own little way. Like a snowflake falling in the night sky, you are the only person that will ever breathe a breath, and be just like you. Never again will there be another you, celebrate you, for you are one of a kind.

One thing that is bothersome, is that women are way to hard on themselves.  When you look in the mirror you concentrate on your flaws, and in doing so you miss the total picture of who you are, and what you mean to the people around you. Let go of some of the images you have of perfection, and celebrate you. Embrace yourself, for you are all you have, no one else can make you into what you should be, no one can reach your potential but you.

Confidence is the key to sexy. Not being paper thin, not being perfect, just being confident. Now what does that mean exactly? Well it is just this..First you need to accept yourself as special and beautiful. You need to lift your head up and walk with an air of superiority. Smile when you enter a room. If necessary, pretend that you are walking into a room of people who are gathered just to see you.

Have some pride in your ride. We all have extra ordinary characteristics that make us unique. Find yours and exploit it to its greatest potential. If you have nice breasts, but big hips, throw on a bright colored shirt that brings the eye to your best characteristic and smile.

Finding your best qualities and using them to tip the scale in your direction, is the key to being confident. If you have nice hair, fix it up every single day and use that to your advantage. Pretty eyes, play them up with dramatic make up, or soft and subtle make up. Nice body, dress for success. Whatever your body type is, dress to fit your body and not someone else's. Too many times women try to fit into the stylish clothes that they see on the younger set, thinking that will make them look younger, it does not. Dress according to your body style, accentuating the positive and eliminating the negative.

Your attitude and your level of confidence is evident in your stance and your walk. I see so many women hunched over, and super aware of how they look. If you don't think you look good, how can anyone else. At the very least fake it, till you can make it. You will look 100% better with your head up and a smile on your face. Greet people as if you have known them all your life, be kind and friendly. Nothing is worse than a woman that looks nice, but has a terrible attitude towards others.

Let's talk about men for a minute. Men are a huge part of our lives. We all want to attract a decent man and keep him. The deal with men is just this..they too are unique and special. They are all different with their likes and dislikes. One man may be attracted to blonds, another brunettes. One might like a smaller, short woman, while the next will be attracted to a bigger woman. Some men are turned on by necks, another ankles. Some like nice legs, some like nice butts. There is just no telling with men what they are looking for.

One thing they all want is a confident woman. A woman that takes good care of herself physically. Now that doesn't mean they want one that is running marathons every weekend (though I am sure that attracts some men). What I am talking about is a woman who washes her hair, keeps herself clean and manicured. A woman who pays attention to detail, gives off an air of confidence that lets a man know that you know you are important. It lets them know that you plan on maintaining yourself irregardless of what he does.

Maintaining yourself is the key, even after you are married. A lot of women make the mistake of reeling in a decent man and then just letting themselves go. The thought is well I have him now, so what is the point? The point is, nothing is solid or forever. You have to maintain yourself to keep a man interested in you. Don't make the mistake of wearing sweats and no make up every day. When your husband comes home, look nice.

Let's talk about jealousy. Jealousy is just insecurity and it is ugly. When you are out with your spouse/boyfriend, accept that he is going to look at other women. It is in his nature, that does not mean he doesn't think you are everything, it just means he is admiring the landscape. Don't ever expect that to be different, it won't be. He will just do it behind your back and lie about it. Sorry ladies, those are the facts. By the same token, you can look at other men. It is not a sin to look at other people, nor will it hurt your relationship. I cannot tell you how many women look at me, then their men and then back at me. Their man is careful, but he always looks. Women wake up, it is just human nature, and you are the one that looks silly with your jealousy. Just because a man is looking doesn't mean he has any intentions of leaving you for someone else. Have some confidence, then perhaps he will spend more of his time watching men look at you, then he'll have less time to look at the ladies. 

When you are in a relationship, it is a careful dance. Men need to feel wanted and needed. They do not need to feel choked to death by having you hanging around their neck like a noose. If they need a little time and space, be glad to give it to them. Your attitude should be this: If another woman can get him, they can have him. Tell him that, because it is important that he realize that you have the ability to move past him. He is not the be all and end all, and he needs to stay on his toes to keep you. So yea, when he says he needs a little space, your reply should be "good idea". Then you make yourself busy and allow him that total time alone. No phone calls, no texts, and by Johnny, no tears. Time apart is just that. Gather your bearings and keep your imagination in your pocket, busy yourself with all the things you should be doing when you are just hanging out with him, and get some things done. No man wants a slobbering, whiny woman calling and saying "I NEEEEDDDD YOU!" That is scary, so just don't do it.

I guess my goal in writing this post is just to tell all of you women, you are special. Don't sit around wringing your hands and worry about what others think about you. Get up and embrace your life. If you are unhappy with your body, join a gym, go for a walk, get an exercise tape. Do it for you, nobody else, just for you.  There is a wealth of help for you on the internet, and it is at your fingertips.  Commit to being the best that you can be. Have confidence in yourself and show that to others. Smile and laugh, for you shall never pass this way again. Remember, the most important relationship you ever have, is with yourself. Love you and then you can be loved.

peace and love to the ladies :)   shemelts




    Posted by shemelts on 2009-11-15 08:03:11 | Rating: | Views: 143
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Shemelts...That is so absolutly true and a beautiful message. I agree totally, but sometimes we as women do fall off track, but I try to think in the terms that you do. Great reminder. I love your positive and lifting posts....Have a great Sunday!
Posted by  michelle8angels  on 2009-11-15 09:42:14 
  
Michelle..Thank you for your kind words. Good to see you in my neck of the woods. :)

Peace :) shemelts
Posted by  shemelts  on 2009-11-16 07:43:57 
  
Okay, I know I shouldn't have read this since I'm a dude. But, damn, you are smart. Your advice is spot-on.
Posted by  Firewater  on 2009-11-15 10:11:04 
  
Firewater..Thank you for dropping in, even if you are a dude. Oh and for the compliment.

peace :) shemelts
Posted by  shemelts  on 2009-11-16 07:45:07 
  
Right on shemelts... I love knowing my man will take care of me...and he loves knowing he doesn't have to...:)
Posted by  Olla  on 2009-11-15 10:22:23 
  
Olla...Nice!

peace :) shemelts
Posted by  shemelts  on 2009-11-16 07:45:44 
  
I enjoyed this lady talk so much!
Shemelts, you're a sweetie! Nobody would have put those advices better than you did!
I LOVE YOUR BLOG!!!!!!
And I have the deepest respect for you!!

And I'm really sorry I don't know your name... ;)
Posted by  LuckyJulia  on 2009-11-15 16:23:03 
  
Julia...Thank you for your kind words, and loving my blog (biggest compliment ever).
I don't share my name with people. I'm just an every day wife, mother, sister and friend. Glad you dropped in.

peace :) shemelts
Posted by  shemelts  on 2009-11-16 07:47:08 
  
THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL! i have always not cared much about if i was too fat/thin or ugly. i just got on with my life and now i have a guy whom i love deeply.

the part were you mention about your bf looking at other women really got to me. i recently noticed (and i trust my boyfriend with my life and i dont look through his history or anything) he had looked at porn, even though he sed that he hadnt done it since he last admitted it to me. reluctantly i felt like i wasnt good enough, or wasnt good at sex or didnt please him enough (sad i know but its an instant reaction).

what you wrote made me remember what i sed to him earlier today. you can do what you like its your life but please remember i dont like it. and you are right, amd you have regained my confidence within myself. thankyou

and after all he is a young male ;P
no offense xD
Posted by  Sparkie3222  on 2009-11-15 20:00:23 
  
Sparkle...Thank you for dropping in for the first time and your offer of friendship. Don't get lost in the little things with your boyfriend. Concentrate on how you treat each other. Little aggravations build big walls between you that are hard to tear down. Good luck with your relationship. Stay confident.

peace :) shemelts
Posted by  shemelts  on 2009-11-16 07:51:21 
  
thanks :)
but yer i asked him and he honestly sed (well i trust him) that it wasnt him and either an email or his stepdad who LOVES porn.

thanks again :)
Posted by  Sparkie3222  on 2009-11-16 13:16:02 
  
A warm smile, approachable nature, kindness towards others goes a LONG way, too. Not making a man pay for the mistakes of your ex's, as well. I don't know about having an air of 'superiority', though...I think you meant confidence? I agreed with most of what you wrote, shemelts. Good reminders for young and older women, alike. xx
Posted by  Ellie2008  on 2009-11-15 20:19:36 
  
Ellie..Thank you for your kind words..Air of Superiority over the situation, not over people. There I go again not being clear. :)

peace :) shemelts
Posted by  shemelts  on 2009-11-16 07:30:43 
  
Ellie...Thank you for adding to the list. I am always kind to everyone that I meet. Oh and I don't have an ex...LOL!! That is bad, no? So loved to see you here Ellie, I've been missing you. (((hugs)))

peace :) shemelts
Posted by  shemelts  on 2009-11-16 07:52:50 
  
Excellent advice! Thanks.
Posted by  curiousgerl  on 2009-11-16 08:10:53 
  
curiousgerl..You are so welcome. :)

peace :) shemelts
Posted by  shemelts  on 2009-11-16 14:36:51 
  
Shemelts - you are such a woman of wisdom that I find myself smiling every time I see a new blog from you.
I've got my own flaws but I own them. I play up my assets to hide the fact that yes I am well aware of my flaws.
If I fake it well enough, people believe me. So far so good!
Posted by  Whitters  on 2009-11-16 09:21:19 
  
Whit...Thank you so much for boosting my confidence with your kind words. :)

peace :) shemelts
Posted by  shemelts  on 2009-11-16 14:37:32 
  
Thanks for the chat :)
Posted by  DaisyConfused  on 2009-11-16 09:57:27 
  
Daisy..you betcha!

peace :) shemelts
Posted by  shemelts  on 2009-11-16 14:38:00 
  
When I used the word 'you' in my comments, I meant us women in general :) I know you are kind, that goes without saying. This blog is testament to that and no, not having an ex isn't a BAD thing! Good for you for being in a happy, stable marriage, I think that's super! Hugs back! xx
Posted by  Ellie2008  on 2009-11-16 12:39:11 
  
Ellie :D

peace :) shemelts
Posted by  shemelts  on 2009-11-16 14:38:48 
  
What a great post to read!

Gotta say, space thing hit home to me, hard! Now with that being said, no tears. Wow - has that one been rough. Sometimes you just have to pick up and move on. I'm still trying to figure that one out.
Posted by  brlracincwgrl  on 2009-11-16 14:10:00 
  
Ashley..I know sweetheart. Truly space is one of the most difficult things to give someone. Likely as not his head is arguing with his heart. Give his heart time to convince his head and then all will be well. Stay confident and true to yourself, no regrets. (((hugs)))

peace :) shemelts
Posted by  shemelts  on 2009-11-16 14:36:20 
  
I just found this and this so true. Thank you for putting your thoughts together in this blog. You are very right, at the time I am not speaking to B because he was just mean and disrespectful. It's hard but in the long run, it will be better for me and Em. I agree with keeping yourself up and enjoying your time alone. You are an amazing person.
Posted by  prelude2it  on 2009-11-19 20:28:58 
  
prelude......Sweetie..all women are amazing..they just don't all know it. Thank you for dropping in. (((hugs)))

peace :) shemelts
Posted by  shemelts  on 2009-11-20 07:35:00 
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shemelts
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