Where to begin?  I asked for a divorce over a year ago.  My husband was pretty fine with it.  Didn't freak out, was rather calm.  Said it wasnt what he wanted, but he wants me to be happy.  If that's what I want, than do it.  He had a pretty upbeat attitude about it.  But since then,  he has gone to Florida to supposedly look for a job, and apartment.  He told me I could keep the house, and he would go.  It would just be easier for our daughter to keep her in her own home, and school. 

He came back from Florida.  Never found a job, didn't get an apartment, and declared he was staying here in Maine, in our house.  Go figure.  So,  I have a not so great paying job.  And most of life is built around both of our incomes together, making it a challenge to get an apartment and still pay mortgage on house.  We attempted to sell it, but because of the market, it just wasnt feasible.  We would take a loss.  So here we both are, still living in the same house a year later.

The crappy part, is that if I don't constantly remind him, that I am only here because of money, and our daughter, he attempts to act as if our marriage had a temporary glitch and is back on track.  We never had a good communication in the first place so attempting to have a serious talk, only ends in a brutal fight.  He can be verbally abusive and it makes me really uncomfortable.  I just dislike having conversations with him, unless they are superficial, every day crap. 

Every morning, he gets up.  Gives me a kiss on the cheek, says have a good day, see you tonight.  Like everything is normal and fine.  I refuse to tell him I love him.  I fell out of love with him a long time ago, and I will never tell him those 3 words again.  I took my wedding ring off, last Thanksgiving.  I will not put it back on.  For him or anyone else.  When I tell him, this is temporary, and I am not staying forever, he just acts like he never heard it, and leaves the room. 

Yes, we still unfortunately share the same bed.  Occasionally have sex, mostly because I truly do not want to listen to his endless whining, and just not leaving me alone until I give in.  Im getting better about saying no, but not completely. 

I feel so wimpy, not being able to stand up to him.  It's not that hes a bad person.  He's a great dad to our youngest daughter.  I wish he was better with our oldest, but that damage is done, and that was actually the unraveling of our marriage.  How poorly he treated her!  It just eventually ate away at me, to the point that I learned to dispise him, his voice, his eyes, his mannerisms.  Everything about him, just turned me to a cold person, who couldn't love him anymore, because he couldnt love our daughter unconditionally.

How do I stop this circle?  How can I get my own life on track, so I can move on? 

Feeling a bit challenged I guess today, and a little self defeated.  Any advice, words of wisdom, support would be great.

Thank you all
Have a super day!!!
Shelley