Please feel free to critique (nicely),  comment, advice, or helpful tips all you want.  Pretty much that is why I am here... 

A little about me.

I'm a mom of two great gals.  Courtney, 19,  Victoria, who is 15.   Both the loves of my life,  and without them I honestly wonder how would have woken up everyday to live the life I have lived.   I lived for them!!

I live in Maine.  Absolutely gorgeous state.  Right on the Atlantic coast.  We have 4 amazing seasons....winter sometimes a bit too long.   But the rest is just right, and I will always be happy to call Maine home.   I have lived here for all 37 years,  and plan on living here for another 37.  Should I make it that long...old age doesnt run in my family.

I have been married for somewhere around 18 years, but with my husband for approx. 20+ years.   A really long time.  We live in the town that he grew up in,  about 1 mile from his parents.   Sometimes that's a bit strenuous.  But I will say, I have a great mother-in-law.  Who most of the time loves me more than her own son.  It's quite funny.

I met my husband my sophemore year in high school.  Got pregnant my senior year, and  2 months after graduation had Courtney.   Then 4 years later Vicky.

Fast forward.......

Most of the time,  I have been a stay at home mom.  Working either part time, or doing some crazy idea at home to make extra money.  None of which made me rich,  or truly happy.  But money is an essential especially when raising a family, so I did odds and ends to help make ends meet, and for the most part, it did just that. 

Now here we are.... Kids are almost raised.  My youngest starts drivers ed, in a week.   Courtney moved out, and in with some girlfriends, and I still work part time at a pretty dead end job, that takes alot of energy out of me.   I was never great at thinking ahead, and here we are really ahead and I feel like I never quite grew up.  I have absolutely no concept of who I am, what makes me happy (most of my days are filled with making kids happy),  I never finished college,  and honestly my marraige sucks. 

When I am not working,  I am either on the computer, writing articles on Helium.com,  taking photographys and trying to figure out how Adobe Elements works,  or reading some crazy self help book, hoping to come up with some answer to what I am suppose to be doing now.  I don't know what direction to go in.  Nothing makes me want to jump for joy and do cartwheels and I just guess I am hoping someone out there might have some clues or ideas about how you go about finding, igniting, and recreating a passion for a life worth living.

I feel really empty inside,  and when I talk to my husband, he pretty much thinks I am going crazy.   How can you feel empty, when there's household stuff to keep you busy, you work 30 hours, still have a teenager at home, there's plenty to do, so how can life feel empty.

My husband is not and never has been a feeling guy.  He doesnt talk about emotions, and does a pretty lousy job expressing them.  He is on auto pilot most of the time.  He has been at the same job, since he graduated high school, lived in the same town for 37 years,  married to the same wife for 20 years, and thinks that's all there is to life.  Honestly, I guess as long as he is getting sex once a week, he thinks everything is peachy keen.  How can I tell him inside I don't feel peachy keen.  That I don't know who I am anymore.  I don't feel a connection to him, theres no passion for him, or for myself. 

I guess I am just at a loss for alot these days.....

But I am going to try and keep this blog up and see what happens.  I also have a problem with ever finishing anything I start, so for me to write in this daily for an extended period of time will be a challenge, but hopefully a good one, if anything a place to write my thoughts, vent, express and maybe find myself in my babblings...

Thanks everyone...
Shelley