| View Blog
|
|
|
Merry Christmas.
It is about 1:15 a.m., Christmas morning. I haven’t slept yet, so technically for me it is still Christmas Eve.
I just got back in. I went running around my neighborhood. I hate running. But it’s been one of those nights. I just wanted to get away for a little while. To just stop thinking. So that’s what I did.
I stopped thinking and just ran. I ran, and ran, and ran, past the houses, past the Christmas lights, past the cars, parked quietly in the driveways, past the decorations that lit up the houses and yards and the street lights that kept flickering on and off. Just running and running. Listening, only, to the sound of my breathing, and the rhythm of my heels hitting the ground.
Then I got tired. I stopped running. I lay down on the pavement, on a corner away from any houses. I started thinking again. I was thinking of how odd it was that I was laying on the ground, and just looking at the sky on Christmas Eve.
The sky was cloudy; I couldn’t see any stars so I just looked at the moon. I just kept staring at it, and the longer I stared, It felt like the moon was getting closer and closer to me. It got so close, I could see the dark spots that covers it surface. There is a ring around the moon tonight. I think that means that it might rain tomorrow. I watched the ring. It made a perfect circle, round and unending like the reefs that covered almost every door in the neighborhood.
I began to wonder about all of the houses. Most of the lights inside of the houses were off. Everyone was asleep, no doubt. After all it is Christmas Eve. Even at my own house the lights were off. My parents were also sound asleep, when I left. How odd would they think it was if they knew what I was doing? Laying in the street the night before Christmas. Tomorrow they will wake up, and think that I too have been asleep all night. Like usual, they will think that nothing is wrong, or that nothing was. And I guess they’d be right, for the most part.
I’ve been lying in the street for 30 minutes, just trying to escape. But I guess that nothing is wrong, really, except for that empty feeling. I hate that feeling. It scares me sometimes, which is why I started running, running as far and as fast as I could, just to get away from it, just to leave it behind.
The feeling didn’t go away when I stopped. Tomorrow is Christmas. I shouldn’t feel like this right? I don’t understand I should feel full and happy; it should be the happiest day of the year. I don’t know I feel like Christmas just doesn’t have the same glitter and magic as it used to. This is a new feeling. I don’t like it. I have never felt this way on Christmas.
I imagined all of the little kids in the houses, sound asleep in their beds. Tomorrow morning they will wake up early. If no other morning of the year, little kids always wake up early on Christmas morning. Its like an internal alarm clock, probably from all of the excitement, to see if Santa ate all of his cookies, to tear paper from all of the presents under the tree, to listen to Christmas music all day while making dinner and watching the parade on TV. That is magic. I watched my breath freeze and disappear in the cold air, I know, tomorrow I will wake up and feel none of those things. So I don’t want to go to bed.
I don’t want to sleep tonight because I am afraid of tomorrow. I am afraid that tomorrow, the empty feeling will not have gone away. Tomorrow, Christmas day is the one day that I don’t want to feel this way.
|
|
Posted by she_smiles87 on 2007-12-25 01:35:43 | Rating: | Views: 114
|
| |
|
|
| Blog Comments
|
|
|
|
|
hey mel i know how you felt last night....i felt the same way, thats why me and hagen went for a walk late last night
|
|
Posted by copenhagenblk69
on 2007-12-25 22:10:47
|
|
|
|
|
|
