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I guess being in long term relationships so much has clouded my view.
As soon has high school began for me I was in a committed relationship until the middle of my junior year. After we broke up we didn't speak for about 6 months but after that we became good friends and are friends until this day. After that relationship was over I delt with one person that was an asshole and used me and it was what I deserved for being so simple minded and naive, but I did learn a lesson and til this day no one has ever hurt me like that because I don't allow it. Directly after that I dated someone for my whole senior year of high school and most of my freshman year in college. When that was over (self centered jerk) I got serious with someone very quickly and it ended as fast as it began. After that, (phew) I was in a 2.5 yr relationship with the person who'd become my best friend in college, but that ended and eventually turned into something bitter and unfortunate (because of my childish actions) and became a loss on both our parts. We still are not speaking.
I've been single since November so I guess that's about 7 months now and I have had the opportunity to interact freely with guys and I'm slowly but surely coming to the conclusion that guys are inherently and generally selfish, little-boy like (in one way or another) and untrustworthy. The guys I've dated seriously (just 3) have all been respectable, good people, but for whatever reasons they didn't work out for me so now I'm back in the sea looking for more fish. Im not looking for fish to take home and eat and digest and live with the nutrients for the rest of my life though because at 21 I feel like being tied down to one fish is the LAST thing I need to be doing. I just want to fish and admire my catch and throw it back before it's dead.
In my search for fish to play with I've picked up on a few things.
1) There are so many guys who have girlfriends they've been with for a decent amount of time, the two are claiming to love each other and the guy is actively and openly trying to establish a sexual relationship with another girl! Of course the girlfriend doesn't know about it, but that's what he does behind her back. He'll romance her off of her feet for every holiday, tell her all the sweetest things, bring her around to get close to his family and friends, and promise her that his love is true - all the while he's telling some other girl "I don't even have a girlfriend." This is fucked up on so many levels. First of all, why can't you have the respect for yourself to not be in a monogamous relationship if you can't handle it. And if you hold a double standard for yourself cheating, then you need to check the decade. The person in the masculine role and the person in the feminine role need to give equally to a relationship and if one of them can't do that then spare the bad karma please! Second, who do you think you are that you can just spit game to some girl even though you have a girlfriend and expect her to be your thing on the side? And if you are a person who's content sleeping with someone else's boyfriend (or girlfriend) then you should check your values and self-respect. I don't even have anything against sexual relationships - in my current state I'm actually for them, but I am against having a sexual relationship with a person who someone else is in love and/or in a relationship with. I think it is disgusting and sad. The next guy that tries to talk to me and has a girlfriend, I'm going to find a way to tell her. I dont care if thats fucked up either because he deserves it and she deserves to know.
2) There's this guy that has a lot of money, but he is brutally unattractive to me and he honestly can't understand why I don't want to get involved with him. The only thing he talks about is how much money he has, the things he can buy me, and the girls he gets because of his money. He has yet to speak to me about politics, his feelings about racism, his family, what he's interested in, what IM interested in, oh the list is infinite of what he doesn't talk about because he doesn't talk about anything.
I don't understand why guys can't see that all girls don't care about money as long as you're able to sustain your living situation. If a girl is attracted to you because of your money, you probably shouldn't want to deal with her. Why would anyone want to date someone who's into something about you that is subject to change. If someone is solely infatuated with your body or the way you look, what are they going to do if you have a freak accident and you don't look that way anymore? Or if you're rich - with the economy we have, you're probably going to be poor soon so how can you want someone that likes you for your money.
3) My third complaint is that guys seem to put females into one of two categories. I learned about The Madonna/Whore complex that many men have which puts females into the category of innocent, good and pure or the category of slutty, sexy, and worldly. I know not all guys do it, but many seem to. Especially if you have a sexual relationship. Once sex is involved, it's almost as if you have to be exclusive or he can't give too much respect and attention to you - kind of like if you're having sex and want to go out together, spend time together, have good conversation and a little bit of a connection, those things can't be given if you don't commit. We all have to have pseudo marriages. If you're boyfriend and girlfriend, then it's like the whole point of the relationship is to graduate to pre-engagement or something! What ever happened to the good old days when people went out on dates. Why can't we just have a really good time with someone without turning it into a deep, emotionally and physically committed, hard core, I can't live without you, overdramatic relationship. What's wrong with just having sex and enjoying each other's company without being in love and obsessed with each other. Come on guys. We can only have sex with each other, spend time together and still have fun elsewhere witout you acting like we belong to each other.
4) My fourth and final observation is one that after I have made, I have decided to fish in a different pond for different kinds of fish. The guys I have been running into have been seeming so cheap. Now please take note of what I said before that you don't want a girl who's going to be after you solely for money. HOWEVER if you have the means necessary please don't be offensively cheap. I'll give and example I and many of the women I have spoken to can relate to. If we're going on a date, they should serve alcohol wherever we're going to eat and you should be prepared to buy her the most expensive item on the menu. If she's a decent girl she won't order it or alcohol without you're offer. Save up for a really great date if you want to make an impression because if it goes well something cheaper the second time around wont be viewed as critically and by the time you're going on the third date it should be clear that you're getting along enough to tell her what you can afford and she should be able to compromise. But those first dates are crucial. This is only my opinion.
Oh males males males. Step your game up for goodness sake. You can't expect girls to swoon over medeocrite! 
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Posted by sharsugar on 2008-07-02 04:01:43 | Rating: | Views: 120
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Sadly, men in their 30s and 40s are still as you describe.,,,Sigh
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Posted by singleat41
on 2008-07-02 18:03:21
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You are but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets her hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: you are a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
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Posted by likeaginsu
on 2008-07-02 20:40:35
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