So I'm running low on checks. This has been coming for quite a while, because I write very few checks. Still, I waited until the last possible second before I started procrastinating.
I finally dug out the reorder form and was pleased to find that I could order them online. "Ah," I thought, "how convenient."
Have you ever seen the "Inconvenience Stores" Far Side cartoon?
I went to http://www.deluxe.com/ and browsed their collection of checks. Honestly, I wasn't wild about any of them. I eventually settled on an asian theme and clicked the ugly "Order" button.
I dutifully entered my personal and financial information and was presented with a friendly screen saying that my order was complete and everything had gone perfectly. Except it didn't say it in those words: it said I had a "special account" with my financial institution and couldn't order those checks. Please click here for the shitty checks you're allowed to order.
So I click. They all suck. And I mean, they suck balls, the nastiest balls they can find, and they suck them with gusto. It's like my bank was getting revenge on me for being a loyal customer.
I picked the Arbor Day checks for two reasons: first, they were the least shitty; second, I always like buying paper products that support trees. So I select the arbor day checks and click the ugly order button.
Hey, would you like to add a monogram? Nope. How about a symbol? Well, maybe, lemme look. They all blow. There's no martini glass, there's no penguin, there's no beer or naked dudes. There's a hockey player but he's ugly and to find him you have to go past 40 other "sports" images, including rodeo, bowling, swimming, and at least 15 golf images. I choose nothing.
Hey, how about a leather checkbook cover? That'd be neat...I'll definitely pay $25 for that since I've never used a checkbook cover in my life. Pass.
OK, getting down to it here. One more offer for accessories. Pass...again. And shipping options. No free shipping. I can get 14-day shipping for the bargain price of $6.95. Sweet.
But it was all about to get convenient: they'll automatically bill my checking account, and ship it to the address they have on file for me. But they don't have my address on file, and they won't let me enter it: I click "Order" and get a nice screen explaining to me that if I want to order checks, I can call the phone number that appeared right next to the url I wish I'd never noticed.