this post is about my sister and how its going since she is in the army. first off the following song says a lot of what im going to say. this song is the song i have been listening to lately because of how its very much how i feel about the situation.
the song says many different things that i can relate to.
i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all my childish fears
this part reminds me of her because she was the only person in this world that i could talk to about certain things that no1 else in this world would feel how i felt.
like when our parents got a divorce she is the only person that was there with me. only she and i have been through my parents divorce. no other children had our experience, and we experienced it together. we talked for hours about everything that happened, how we felt, things that were said, and etc. we kept no secrets from each other. we even talked out what drugs, drinking, and illegal things to each other. she was the only person i could talk to about secrets, and suicide thoughts that i had.
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
'cause your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone
now that she is gone i cant talk to her about things like i could. but i wish i was able to. i wish i could though. and instead of sitting around think about how close we were and being hurt every time i do i wish that i could just get over it and move on.
the reason that i dont have any "close friends" the closeist i have is some1 i just met at college. she is now the only person i got to talk about things to really. my closeist friend that i have is my husband. but i cant vent to him about how he really made me mad today. i can just work out the conclusion with him.
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
pretty self explanatory. as you can tell i do miss her a lot and i wish i could move on, but i cant even if i try. it upsets me very much when i think about it. and i think i will be like this for a very long time to come. we spent so much time together and were such a huge part of each others life. i think that no matter how long you are away i will always feel like this because i think that we will never have that close of a relationship again. she is the person i spent most of my life with.
because im stuck in the way we were raised. my sister and i were raised to have a strong friendship with each other, and we were always told to love each other and forgive each other because that is the only sibling we were going to have to turn to. so not having her here is really hard for me to get used to. i still drive past the memories that we have. as to where they are able to drift from her mind because she isnt always reminded of them like i am. ... (thinking)maybe i will write a sister roast to her about them. that should help us!...
when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
i held your hand through all of these years
but you still have
all of me
story time.. for this lets lake a stroll down memory lane together. so i can share a part of our life together with you...
one time when we were very young our parents had us stay at our grandma's. we had to do this some nights because sometimes my parents would both work a night shift at the same time.
my sister started crying really loud because she wanted to go back home and have them both there when she went to sleep. my grandma tried to get her to stop but it just made her cry louder.
so i went over and grabbed her in a hug and told her "ashley it will be ok. its just for tonight. mom and dad will be back to get us in the morning." and wiped off her tears.
i know this story simply because my grandma told me it. and even after all the years we have been together and how hard it is to be apart, she will always be a part of my life. the golden heart part that only certain people can fulfill those parts. nobody will ever be able to take her place, and she will never lose it.
you used to captivate me by your resonating life now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts
my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away
all the sanity in me
since she was older then me she was the person i looked up to. she was my hero. she was the coolest person and i wanted to be exactly like her. everything i wasnt but everything i wanted to be. but now my thoughts are left to linger on what used to be, and i cant just forget about it. i think about it more often then not. the part of my life she used to be is now empty and alone. and it can never be fixed by anyone but her. so i will feel like this until we become how we were. until then i can only reminisces about it.
i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
but though you're still with me
i've been alone all along
i know that she is busy and i realize that. i have thought about that very much, but like i have i said it doesnt fix the emotional loss. i know i can still talk to her on the phone and e-mail her. but she has been so busy with friends that she has had hardly any time to talk with me. she is going out with them, hooking up with new boyfriends, and living the single like. im married, i dont live the single life. although all of this is going on i still get to talk a little to her and mom updates me on her about everyday. i just still miss that friendship that i could count on all of those years through thick and thin.
that is pretty much everything that is going on now with our friendship. how it is falling apart right b4 both of our eyes, but i dont know how to rebuild it and make it stronger. i hope that i can start talking to her more and maybe be able to do that. i dont want to lose the ponder we got forever.
Posted by shadow_gurly on 2008-10-04 00:26:48 | Rating: | Views: 49
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