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i fucking hate when people get emotionally attached towards me.. fucking shit. suddenly you feel like you're SO damn obligated to be there for them, you're SO damn obligated to watch what you do because it's gonna "hurt their feelings" etc. AND YOU'RE SO DAMN PRESSURED TO GIVE THEM ATTENTION.
i literally feel crowded.. and i'm about to fucking screaaam. JESUS CHRIST!
when i hear the words "i love you" i will fucking run.
which just reminds me.. do people really love me, or do they just love the IDEA of me? does anyone even truly fucking know me?
i don't even fucking know me.. i've lost touch with so many things.. which just makes me question if those things were really apart of me in the first place.
i was just trying to have a purpose when i felt like i had nothing at all.. soo i made myself believe i truly felt a certain way about certain things. just to fill up that "void"
but now that i'm really experiencing other things i'm just realizing that none of that shit truly meant anything at all to me. which is just kind of hard to adjust to, considering i REALLY made myself believe i cared for those things in the first place.
god.. i'm something else. i'm a pretty fucked up and complex kid.. but i'm glad i'm finally realizing shit about myself.
i'll blog more later. for some FUCKING reason i feel so goddamn irritated it's unbelievable.
probably because i'm just so damn angry with myself for not keeping up with things i should've kept up with. or the fact that SOME FUCKING PEOPLE are so goddamn annoying and clingy that it pisses me off. OR FUCKING I DON'T KNOW. i'm just fucking pissed.
i'll continue this shit later.. as i go off to bed angry about shit i have no fucking idea about.
godddddddddd i needa take up boxing classes. RELEASE some of this fucking excess energy before it vents in destructive ways.
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Posted by sexcsyrian on 2008-01-05 06:25:44 | Rating: | Views: 75
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