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it's so amazing how we can be SO sure that we know all kinds of things about ourselves and yet there's an absolutely different realm unconsciously existing within us that slowly unfolds with every experience, contradicting everything we swore our lives on.
i kinda like it.
life never seizes to surprise me..
i've been pretty nonchalant & laid back about a lot of things, taking it as it comes.. stephen once again went completely out of his way to try & gain me back, and of course i could not resist.
he's the epitome of everything i never wanted and yet i'm so drawn to him. i've tolerated things with him that i've always been SO against and yet i always take him back.. never have i with any other guy.
i found out that he's planning on proposing to me.. pretty crazy isn't it? 16 years old and engaged. haha. as crazy as it is i would say yes.. can i make a commitment to him forever? i guess i'll have to wait til forever to find out.. & how long is forever anyway?
NOWWW before you flip out and say i'm insane for getting engaged at 16 years old - take a moment to see where i'm coming from.. to me relationships are pointless. engagements are where it's at - an engagement is like a relationship BUT WITH THE INTENTION of wanting things to advance and go serious places. does a relationship have that intention? not to the same extent, therefore you're pretty much wasting your time and investing so much in something that is less likely to go places.. it would be ATLEAST a 3 year engagement before we get married.
does it totally sound fucked up if i say i don't really care if this lasts forever? i don't know what forever is and i really don't know how long it is either.. i don't know if i'll be the same person in a few years & i don't know how i'll feel about him in a few years. ha i don't even know if i'll be living in a few years. but i do know the only thing that i know, & that's that i mean it right now.
there are no promises in life, because nothing is set in stone.
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Posted by sexcsyrian on 2008-06-30 17:33:00 | Rating: | Views: 74
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