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Friday night, John talked to me for about 1.5 hours, trying to convince me that I needed to move back home. I thought about it, told him I was tired and I'd sleep on it.
Woke up Saturday morning, thinking, "I don't WANT to be with him. Yes, I still have some feelings, but living with him is not attractive in any way. He smothers and abuses me emotionally, he's very controlling, and his house needs several major repairs."
I decided I wanted to talk with my best friend, Dale, whom I haven't seen for a couple of months. So I called, she said come on over, and I spoke with both her and her hubby and visited. Now, one reason I haven't seen her much for several months, is because John no longer likes them as he knows they encourage me to leave him because he's a jerk. It was WONDERFUL being with my friend, just hanging and sharing, laughing and crying. She's a massage therapist, so she worked on that kink in my back for a few minutes.
Came home last night, still thinking. After discussions with them, realized that :
1. John is a master manipulator
2. He has severe issues that will need committed therapy to overcome, ONLY if he wants it
3. I would rather be alone to make my own choices, than to be manipulated by him.
Also, I remembered my last Sunday School teacher, who has known me almost 2 years, and realized I have been struggling with this decision for 2 years (my 3 year anniversary is next week). Hmmmm, I think that's enough time to waver on a decision. Time to cut the cord! Let him get on with his life, and I can get on with mine.
Sad? Yes. Happy: somewhat. Wish it could be different? Definitely. But John has his choices, and I have mine.
One day at a time: I want to seek God.
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