Last night when I got home from work, I could tell my daughter's mood was not the happy go lucky mood she had been in the last few days.  I enjoy when she is in a good mood!  I really, really enjoy when she is in a good mood.  Seems her mood can affect me (and the whole household) in so many ways.  I asked her twice last night if anything was wrong, she claimed it was not.  I know better.  I can only thank my lucky stars that she has a therapy session tonight. 

I often wonder if I was such a mild mannered laid back child, why god gave such a moody child to me to raise.  Is it because he knows that I handle her?  I'm not sure.  Is he testing my ability to raise her into a fine young, independant young lady (against all odds)? 

She has so many good qualities about her.  She has the most sensitive heart that I've ever known.  Is this why she is so moody?  Because things get to her more than they would a person without her issues?  Afterall, she is currently working on her coping skills with her therapist.  I want her to care, to love, to nurture, to put others before herself...but yet, sometimes I wish she was stronger, much stronger then she is and could learn to deal with things in a way that she doesn't let them get to her on an extreme level.  Am I hoping that she loses the ability to be as sensitive as she is?  As caring as she is?  I don't know...  It's all so confusing.

On the flip side, she can be the most selfish child I've ever known.  But not always, because she can also be the most giving child I've ever known.  She can be so rude and insensitive at times, but yet is the child that would always make an effort to defend a child at school that was being picked on or not played with by other children.  She can say the most heartless things to those she loves (and does not love), but yet will be the first one to cheer someone up that is down.

The highs and lows of her moods are just way out there.  However, this child is my heart, my soul.  I feel the need to protect her even more so then my other children.  Why is that?  Is it because her father has no confidence in her?  Because he makes such statements as she'll never pass her drivers test, she'll never make it to college, she'll never do this, she'll never do that, she needs to take care of herself better, wear more makeup...etc....  Considering those comments come from the ass, I feel more determined to stand behind her and help her succeed.  This child is absolutely, stunningly beautiful in my eyes.  But yet, I cannot lie...I would like to pop her one when she is in one of her moods.  LOL

This child just is not as mature and cannot handle her moods and emotions like a normal child would.  This doesn't make her a loser as her dad makes her feel.  I am determined to her get to where she needs to be life.  I do worry about her getting there, but she will get there.  It is just more of a struggle for her to do so.  As a matter of fact, she was reviewing colleges online last night.  She has goals and dreams just like any other child, she just gets sidetracked on occasion with her emotions.  If we can get those in check, she'll be just fine.

Yes, she has failed her driver's test twice.  That is because she was overly confident in herself and was in a rush to take her test, plus she gets nervous with a stranger in the car with her, which makes matters worse for her.  I have convinced her that this time we will not rush into taking it again.  Her permit is good for another 6 months.  I have her drive me around every chance I get.  She really isn't a bad driver.  Like any young driver, she needs to realize driving is a privelege and not something that is automatic when one turns of age.  I'm determined she will pass her test when the times comes.  So determined....