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| Promiscuity and it's costs... |
Part of my reason for this blog was to share personal things, with people I don't know.
So, as it is part of my history, I wasn't always perfect with relationships...
I gave my life to Christ the Summer of 2000 (I was 15), and had always been in rather innocent boyfriend/girlfriend circumstances since middle school. (Mind you, the only person I've ever been with on a "personal" level is my husband.)
It seemed that once I started living out this New life, Satan just came at me with even more force. I was tempted in every way, and I think I made more mistakes starting out as a Christian than I did before I became one. I guess I owe that to my eyes being opened- not a whole lot to be "ignorant" about anymore. In the beginning of that semester of my Sophomore year, I started off in a friendship and steady relationship with a guy two years older than me (now my husband). While at the time I seemed to be an altogether kind of girl, I was really struggling with being happy; still trying to "find myself". My constant "break-ups" with him and other failed relationships on the side really hurt him. Went I went off to college, I kept on getting into troubled relationships, until one day it hit me that I was not going to be happy because my false expectations were not real- Prince Charming isn't real and I wasn't going to find "perfect" in anyone but Christ. So, on that note, I stopped. I got down to all seriousness. I married my best friend (then-boyfriend of the story).
WEEEELLLL, little did I know that my lack of self-control would come back to haunt me.
Since we've been married, there are rules of the house. Things that are not allowed in my home due to moral and ethical reasons, as well as out of respect for one another and for the Lord. My world came crashing down last week when I found a listing of pornography on my husbands' computer. I just didn't know what to say, how to handle it, nothing... So I prayed.
I was mad, hurt, insecure, self-conscious- everything you DON'T EVER want to feel. And I realized it was because I hadn't been the kind of wife or person I should have been. Granted, I never deprive my husband of affection, I realized that my previous choices left him with the vain thought of lack of self-control. My lack of example tripped him up.
I spent the night at a friend's house (leaving him in total emotional wreckage), but the point was that I would not allow it to be in my house, nor would I be in the house if it was there, nor let it back in.
I kept asking- Is our relationship so bad you can't come to me?? Are you not patient enough to wait until I get home? Do you not have enough self-control to keep yourself from temptations? What am I not doing right, or am I not enough? For that matter, why is the Lord not enough for you to ask for help when you are tempted? He is supposed to be your strength when I can't be. All of this was answered in one simple truth- His focus wasn't where it should have been.
I know, people are allowed to make mistakes, and for this I have truly forgiven him. But if there's one thing you can do to make your significant other feel worthless, this is it.
We have worked things out and my husband came to church to speak to our pastor about what happened. He confessed what he did was wrong and re-dedicated his life to the Lord.
While I know that he may very well make a wrong choice again, I feel extremely confident that he will at least think and pray about his reaction the next time he is tempted. And to know that he is at least taking the steps to improving is encouraging.
We need to encourage eachother as Christians, cheer eachother on in good works. So that we can fight against the temptations and wiles of the devil. We need to be focused and vigilant so that when we have families, they too, will deflect any attacks. They will know how to respond to those issues and battles that we have had to face. They will see our example and the success of trusting in the Lord.
If there is anything I can say about Pornography, it is this: there is NOTHING good about defiling your body or taking in adulterous images in any form. Marriages and relationships are destroyed by the feelings and insecurities that come from infidelity. Not to mention, the diseases you can contract physically and the "false expectations" of a relationship that images portray.
The spirit of Lust is one of the worst to deal with, next to the spirit of Pride. And the temptation to return is just as strong if you continue to return to it. I was delivered of Lust, and I have never experienced a more vile oppression leave than when that thing went. (Crying, screaming, sweating, vomitting, etc.) For we battle not against flesh and blood, but against powers, principalities, demons and rulers of darkness, and spiritual wickedness in high places.
The Lord's word specifically states:
"If you have lusted with your eyes, you have already commited adultery with her in your heart." -Matthew 5:27
"So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.
The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other." GALATIANS 5 VERSES 16-26
Please keep eachother honest and be in the Word. It is our strongest defense against Satan.
Love in Christ.
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Posted by selah916 on 2009-09-27 14:47:06 | Rating: | Views: 36
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