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| Pent against the frustration... |
I've managed to figure out that I'm a very ambitious person. I think the Lord made me this way, but I'm having one heck of a time trying to make it work for me.
Lately, I've just felt stagnant; like there's more to do and I've got to do the work, I've got to make the effort. But in saying that, I feel like Satan keeps pulling me back (sometimes in the form of my husband).
I know that I, as a woman of faith and who loves the truth, is supposed to be obedient and submissive, but I don't like feeling that I'm not accomplishing everything the Lord has set me out to do. I know if I accomplish these smaller tasks and prove faithful to see them through, the Lord will give me more responsibility. There are desires of my heart that are supposed to be fulfilled, but I feel like I've got this gosh-darn leash hanging around my neck. I'm just not sure what to do except wait...
So I'm reading my devotional this morning- it had to do with waiting on the Lord (not just specifically for an answer). And it made sense: how many times do we go looking for what we want, rather than what the Lord has planned?! It made me realize that it's okay to be ambitious, as long as we don't overstep the Lord. I mean, I want Him to be included and glorified in everything I do. What makes it so difficult is that I am looking to have something for myself that just about everyone I know already has, but the Lord has told me I'm not ready for it.
I'm one of those people whose seen something great, who's wanted it a long time (if not as long as others), now I'm watching other people enjoy this blessing- and I'm not included. I know I should feel blessed for other reasons, but Satan keeps reminding me of the things I don't have; the things he knows I want, but are out of reach because the Lord has not given them to me yet. This makes me believe that maybe I need to put my focus on Him rather than those 'things'.
I guess I'm just going to have to work on my contentment and patience. I thought I'd gotten past all that in high school, but I guess I'm just getting started. Ceaseless wonders...
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Posted by selah916 on 2009-08-09 08:36:58 | Rating: | Views: 20
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