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Before I was born my biological-father used to abuse my mom, when she got pregnant he ran away. I was a planned pregnancy. My mom about a year after that divorce, met my dad and married him. He adopted me even though I was not technically his child, and by that made me his own. Even when he's an asshole, which he is frequently, that story is still how I judge my dad's character. The only times I did see my biological father I was far too young to remember. My mother never had to tell me the story of Richard, and I would of never had to known that I was adopted, at least by my dad, but I am glad my parents chose to be honest... that has made a difference in me as I grew up, and as I continue to do so.
Knowing that my mom, had been beaten made me want to protect her... so I greatly began to admire super heroes, because they protected people. At first I liked superman best because he was invincible, but it take me long to realize that superman really wasn't all that brave at all. He had so many super-powers, and the only thing that he was weak too was a friggin' green rock... the rock didn't even have to touch him. So I really started admiring batman. Batman, had no powers, that meant he was fighting the same level of villains but he could lose his life much more easily than any of the other DC heroes. Further than that, since he was a regular human being I could become like him. I wanted to be a superhero. As I learned more about Batman, I learned that he also had someone in his family hurt, only they were killed. I was probably 4 when I was thinking about these things, maybe a little younger, but it wouldn't have been by much.
One thing about Batman, was that he was a martial-artist, so I wanted to take martial-arts. This posed a problem as not only could my family not afford it, but my dad being a very strict southern baptist at that time, believed some superstitions about many of the martial-arts, such as some of them involving forms of witch-craft. As I did my own research I learned this was never true, but my dad had made his own rules. I think he was also afraid of me becoming violent and abusive, partly because of my biological father, but more because of his own insecurities. His dad had raised him by fear, so that is what made sense to him. He was and sometimes still is emotionally abusive... its just nowadays, nobody takes it off of him, and he has resolved to get better.
I kept studying everything I could on martial-arts and warriors, as warriors also took up the sword to protect the ones they love. Again this worried my dad, and he tried to push me towards pacifist methods. Incidentally there has been only one maybe two times in my life that I can remember it ever being actually appropriate to fight. I remembered my dad would use to tell me "it is harder to walk away", and so I would try to do the harder thing. I have resorted to violence more times than it was appropriate, but even than it was very uncommon. My more common solution was to hit an inatimate object. There used to be holes in the walls of my bedroom from that, I'm not proud of it.
All through out this I still wanted to protect the ones I loved, I still wanted to be a super-hero, and I admired what my dad had told me. I have held my self to high-standards, this is what I was raised to do, and ussually these bouts of violence though against inanimate objects was a result of anger and frustration directed towards myself.
I learned from studying the Bible that no human is my enemy, but ideas that cause that person to act like so are my enemy. Even still, to stand by and let violence happen if I have any say in the matter seems like contributing to violence, and with this Stan Lee's words ring through my head saying that "with great power, comes great responsibility".
Despite all my studying, and all my trying to become a good protector, I was never strong as a child. I was constantly weak, and in many ways I still am, just in different ways now. There were times when my refusal to fight unless I found it appropriate went farther than it should have, and their are other times, and their were times that the studying of warriors philosophy really paid off. I was never afraid of a bully who physically threatened me, and the only time one actually did have me to the point that they were going to punch me, the only thing I could think of I said out loud... "Dude, get a breath mint."... with that the bully hit the locker. That is probably one of the bravest and dummest things I've ever done. Other times my reluctance to resort to violence made me friends. My best friend from high school for some reason (he doesn't even remember why) kept trying to pick fights with me, and since I refused to fight him we ended up becoming very close friends.
So I had established already that I wanted to protect my family, that I admired martial-arts, that I liked the idea of being a super-hero and protecting everyone, but that I had also observed that a majority of the time, physical violence would solve nothing. So than what about super powers? Aren't those for fighting? I remember I had wanted them as part of wanting to be a super-hero, and in some ways I still want them today, though who knows, maybe I do have them, and just don't know how to use them? Wouldn't that be interesting? For a long while I struggled with my want to do martial-arts, and my want to not be excessively violent, or even a want to protect myself. Could self-defence really justify harming another human being? Eventually I decided that if I was to protect others I would have to protect myself as well, after all a shattered shield is worthless.
So than what super power would I want? I started martial-arts last year, paying for it with my own money, and even though I had to quit for a while due to a conflicting work schedule I'm back in it. I know I don't want to hear peoples thoughts, though I could see how it would definitely make it easier to talk someone out of something evil for their own benefit. I think a persons thoughts are between them and God, and that it would be a violation of privacy to use such a power. Flight while it would be fun, would not actually be very useful to me as if I ever used it in public I would be caught and studied as to see how I could fly, and strength when I don't even know how to control the strength that I do have yet, would be worthless. So I guess what it comes down to is that the only super-power I want may be fully attainable. I want the power of mastering myself... until I have that any other super-power would be ultimately useless.
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Thats the most powerful weapon you can have my friend...Knowledge of yourself.
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Posted by Wayne
on 2007-12-26 15:32:22
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This is more so that others can consider my conclusion and possibly make a similar one. I would hope that people would realize if they do not master themselves than mastering anything else is pointless.
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Posted by seeker_of_truth
on 2007-12-28 22:19:46
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Kinda like it is hard to love someone fully untill you love yourself.
your story is great!! I liked it alot, I see alot of my self in there. Stay strong and fight the good fight.
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Posted by DouglasMB
on 2008-01-08 11:05:52
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| Views: 101
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