I know its been a while since I posted, I've been using my free time to study different religions, and I didn't feel like I had anything to say. Now I do. In my research to better myself, I ran across a verse in the Bible where Paul defines what sin is. He says in the book of Romans that "it is only by the law that I know sin". He also implies in a later book, that to violate ones conscience is all sin really is (the argument being that right and wrong was intrinsic: built into us), this even had a link back to the old testament where one of the prophets said the same thing. Now, this as I stated in an earlier posting was my primary reason for becoming vegetarian, where as eating meat itself isn't wrong, violating ones conscience is. Later after reading about all the eastern religions I forgot about that one stipulation, and decided that right and wrong was purely relative, that even in fact there was no right and wrong.

Now it has been a belief of mine for a number of years that deception is the root of all pain, and that different types of dishonesty result in different types of pain. Guilt is the pain after one has been dishonest to themselves by ignoring their own conscience. I did this, though I will not post what I did here as that needs first, to be taken up with the other person this effects so that a humble and slightly frightened confession to the one other that I hurt can bring its needed healing.

See directly after reading about the eastern religions I started saying that right and wrong were only an illusion of man, thus they did not exist. This was only partly right, as it left out one important stipulation, that to betray ones own conscience is sin, as is evident by the great guilt I feel. So how is this not an illusion of man? It is something built into us, and when we do sin (sin literally means to miss the bulls-eye) it is only because we are being dishonest to ourselves. The guilt that thus follows when one knows one has done wrong is thus only a natural result. So my conclusion is not so much that this is not an illusion of man, its more like it still effects us. The only real sin, is to do what you believe is wrong.

My first thinking as mentioned in the above paragraph, implied that we could do whatever we want, and that their is no such thing as a wrong way to live life. Than the later realization that this was not fully accurate, lead me to understand what guilt is (through the guilt I was and still at this time am feeling). So at first glance, I thought that if the only sin is to violate my own conscience I could get away with doing more. The fact is that this has become a stricter rule sometimes than trying to follow the teachings of judaism or christianity. Because if I am to be unwaveringly honest to myself on what bothers my conscience, than I have a sense of right and wrong, that will go past sometimes what religion would say is necessary.

Maybe for you it will be different, but for me to follow this definition of what sin is I am becoming strict in certain areas of my life, but only in a manner that is freeing me from the pain caused from dishonesty with myself. I do sincerely hope this helps someone, and that you the reader can learn from my mistake so you will not have to walk with guilt, and if you do have guilt, please understand that confession brings healing. Talk about it with someone that you trust, maybe even the person that you hurt. I know that is scary, but I think it would be better to be free from that unnecesary pain of guilt, than to continue in such pain.