Saturday 10 November

So I worked Monday, had a team leader shift which was more stressful than usual, being a Monday, but it all went okay, except for my medication error, but that wasn't anything life threatening or major, and I ended up in a fit of giggles by the end of my shift. I knew Dave was coming on in the afternoon, and the thought cheered me immensely. I think I could have been delirious. heh. So we had a quick pash in the office, nearly got caught by Andy, a co-worker but recovered nicely.

Tuesday and Wednesday I worked early shifts too. On Tuesday, Sam, one of my favourite clients, asked me if I could take her interstate next year, in March. I hugged her and said I'd be delighted. I told WorkDave, and he hugged me tight and said "how cool," and I was so excited. Sam is a real picky bitch sometimes, and can be a manipulative cow, but she asked ME, of all the staff with more senority than me, staff who've been there longer, have known her for years, and I've only known her since the beginning of the year, she picked ME. It means she likes me, she wants me to help her and accompany her and get drunk with her, she trusts me, she has faith in me. So when I got home, I was bursting to tell MyDave. "Guess what! Sam saked me to take her to Perth next year in March for a week!" His response: "Well, I'm not looking after the kids on my own for a week."

i was underwhelmed to say the least. Disappointed, angry, upset. I just gaped at him, astounded at his selfishness, and went out for a cigarette. While I was out there, Trish had tried to ring my mobile, so I rang her back on the landline. I told her about Sam and how I'd told MyDave about it and what his response was. I compared his response to WorkDaves, and burst into tears. I haven't told Trish about WorkDave; I don't know if I ever can, she hates the whole idea. So I cried and told her everything MyDave had done to upset me. I couldn't stop the tears for ages. Later, much later that is, I talked to MyDave about it and how selfish his comment was, how he always thought of himself first, and how he didn't even consider my feelings, my excitement, my confidence, what it means for my status in the department, my respect I've earned, the trust I've earned, etc. He was really defensive at first, but after a while, agreed to try harder. He refused to see anyone professional though. He ended up in tears, apologising, and saying how grateful he was to have Paula back and that it was all because of me.

Well, I was still mad. I let it go though for the moment. I looked at the clock. It was 11pm. WorkDave would be finishing up soon. I told MyDave I was going to Trish's to clear my head and just escape for a while. I met WorkDave at K-Mart, and we had a cone or three and talked and made love, and talked some more. He gets pretty full-on after a few cones. He started talking about kids, and did I want any more, and how he wanted a kid, then we talked about work, and he talked about his goals & ambitions, about how I'd made him so happy and renewed his interest in everyhting in life; and peppered compliments through the whole thing. He let slip the L word. I asked him about it later, and he apologised, and said he hope he didn't freak me out. After what Simone had said, and the full-on conversation, and the weed, I was pretty freaked out. I can think about it later, like now, and I'm ok with it, it's obvious anyway. The way he looks at me. I don't think MyDave has ever looked at me like that. Unless he's drunk.

I had Friday off, and WorkDave was on an afternoon shift. i went to his place around lunchtime, and it was so good to see him. He wrapped me up in an enormous hug and kissed me like only he can. We went to his room and christened his bed, it was so loving and deep and beautiful. He came twice, and he satisfied me too, more than once. He lay next to me, stroking my hair, finding my ticklish spots, gazing at me with the purest look of love on his face.

I'm already in too deep. I'm so obviously in love with him.