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Parents! We all have them, or had them and no matter what else we think about them, none of us would be here without them. Its sad that some people's parents aren't always the best people in the world, sadder still that some people don't even know who their birth parent/ parents are. I'm glad that wasn't one of my concerns and I do feel for those who are in that kind of situation.
Both my parents have passed to the other side, having been married for forty two years when my father died of COPD. He was a long term smoker back in the days before all cigarettes were filtered. He had served in Africa during WW2, was nearly blown up and invalided back home where, along with countless other ex-servicemen, he was left to rot, basically.
My mother and him met as a result of a blind date. They met, fell in love and got married. They actually got married in a civil ceremony before he went off to war and, when he returned, they got married in a Catholic church. Thereafter, our family was created through the bond of Love between them, and there are seven of us. (I'm the "baby" of the family! :p)
There was quite an age gap between my dad and I though. He was 49 when I came along. We got on fine and he was an excellent father, I couldn't have wished for better. He was very much 'a man's man' but I think that was a product of his generation and his war experience. My main memories of him are when I spent some time in hospital as a teenager and he sent me letters as his health prevented him from visiting. It was clear that my dad found it easier to express himself and his emotions through the written word than in person, but that was okay with me. I cherished those letters for years but eventually lost them. I still have no idea where they went.
There was a period when I felt like we drew closer but, I was a foolish, carefree teenager. It is only with hindsight that regrets come. It was only after my dad had died and was gone that I realised I never really took the time to really get to know this guy. It was too late now of course, but just one of those moments of awareness that you cant do anything about.
By contrast, like most boys, I guess, I was closer to my mother, (One of my sisters was the closest to my dad and felt it the worst when he passed). I have more memories of being with and being around her than any of my dad and I. She was a good mum also of course and raised us in the manner and way shew saw fit which, by any standards, was great.
We never went hungry or cold, we were always clean, well dressed and well looked after. It was a normal working class family so we never had the "latest" in anything and designer gear hadn't even been invented yet, but we were never unhappy with what we had. Even when my mom used to make us go to mass with her on a sunday, we went, whether we really wanted to or not. It was just something you did. To say "No!", as a kid at that age just wasnt even a concept to us.
After my dad passed away, in 1982, my mother began to show signs of early onset dementia and, over the course of the next 21 years, that slowly and steadily degenerated into Alzheimers. There was simply NO way any of our family would have considered elderly care for her though, especially with three nurses in the family, so she was kept at home and my sisters and I nursed her there.
To see someone you love change so strangely, sometimes so dramatically, before your eyes is not a nice experience but she was our mother and she had brought us into the world and nursed us in our early years, so it was simply payback time. Besides, it was a labor of love!
By the time she was becoming terminal, I had dealt with so many of the dead and dying in my professional life that I fully believed I could 'handle this' and stay strong for the rest of the family. Guess what? I didn't!
Out of the literally hundreds of deaths I had seen, out of the many funerals I had attended, my own mother's was the very one that I broke down with, to the extent that I could not even attend her funeral because I was so upset! Why do I share this? Because if it helps even one person who thinks it is 'weak' to feel emotion, if it helps one to realise that they DON'T have to 'be strong' and put on a face to the world, then it will have been worth it!
I fully believed that 'other people' break down and cry and that would never happen to me, yet I did. That was maybe more surprising to me than to anyone else, but I am glad I did. Of course I regret that I didn't attend the funeral but I believe my mom knows why and understands. She loved me in life, why would she be any different now?
Our parents, if/ where we have them, are an enormous influence in our lives. We might not realise it until later, but they are. I am grateful for the parents I was blessed with and for those who still have them, I urge you to tell them just how much you love and care for them, how much you appreciate them - do it now - before you're like me and it's too late!
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Posted by scotslad60 on 2007-11-30 13:09:10 | Rating: | Views: 163
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Nice post hun!! xxooxxx
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Posted by Forgetmeknot
on 2007-11-30 17:50:32
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ill be sure to tell the ones i love, that i do infact love them back...
thanks for reminding me!
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Posted by benventure
on 2007-12-01 02:50:05
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TY too hon. :) xx
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Posted by scotslad60
on 2007-12-01 06:58:12
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Thank you Ben. Im sure you didnt need reminding though.
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Posted by scotslad60
on 2007-12-01 06:59:03
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In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.
Well done
Peace to you
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Posted by Sexyback
on 2007-12-01 08:46:11
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thankk you scotty
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Posted by kentlass
on 2007-12-01 08:58:58
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theres that TY again???
anyway, your post was very moving, I love learning about your own personal history, thanks for sharing...my parents are 81 and 85 and my mom is not "herself" 100% of the time, but she can get a little cranky, which is not like her. I kid her all the time and ask her if she took a "mean pill" and then she just laughs.
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Posted by roe
on 2007-12-02 21:57:50
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I've worked hospice and have been around death and dying. Losing a parent is one of the heartest things I have ever had to do. You and I know that their Spirits live on inside of us. We cherish the wonderful memories.
Hugs,
Kim
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Posted by Jesusmyvision
on 2007-12-06 22:43:31
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"heartest" = hardest. Oops.
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Posted by Jesusmyvision
on 2007-12-06 22:45:06
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