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I almost blew my gasket today. I just got so frustrated I had to go into the other room and lay down for a minute. Jayden just got on my nerves in every way possible and I can't even fully describe it. All I know is I was tired and I wanted time to myself, and I had this weird pain in my chest that almost prevented me from getting up once I had laid down. During all this, he refused to take a nap and fussed and bothered me the whole time. Besides that, Teneisha told me she was supposed to cover Jazzercise today, and since she's out of town, I went in her place, only to set up and find out there wasn't even class today. So I had to take down all the equipment and go back home. The only kernel of positivity in that wasted trip was that it gave me a half an hour of time to myself.
Everyone who knows me knows that I love my son to death. I would lay down my own life for him. He is my motivation and my purpose right now. But he frustrates me beyond belief sometimes.
I'm looking forward to him when he gets about three or four, when he starts learning more, talking more, and isn't so dependent on me. I know that sounds selfish, because of course he didn't ask to be here, but I am being totally honest. I expected to have to do everything for him when he was a small baby, but now I am growing completely weary of him not going to sleep on his own, not talking much, not playing independently even for short periods of time so I can even piss on my own.
Today was just a reminder of how my life isn't my own anymore. Whatever move I make, if I want to go somewhere, if I want to take a shower even, I have to decide where Jayden is going to go when I do it. I was so used to moving at my own pace, being on my own schedule. I didn't have a routine really, and I liked it that way. Now my schedule has to revolve around when he's awake, when he's asleep, when he's hungry, when he needs a bath, and it does get annoying as hell sometimes.
I might be back later, who knows, but I definitely needed to get my frustration off my chest.
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Posted by sasmith on 2007-12-09 21:41:35 | Rating: | Views: 90
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O how I remember those days. Sometimes I wish that I could relive one of them. Kids grow up so fast and then they are living their own lives before long.
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Posted by kathyjoyful2day
on 2007-12-09 21:45:30
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I second 'kathy's comment! I remember there were times when I couldn't wait until mine were old enough to bathe themselves, etc., but, now.....I long to have them 'need' me again, and feel their sweet hugs and kisses!
It takes lots of prayer to get through raising children, but, just keep loving your son.....and remember to take time to laugh and play.....believe me when I say, it will end far too quickly! God bless you!
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Posted by Alice
on 2007-12-11 03:57:58
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