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I had to check my statement to see where in the world all my money has gone, because I don't buy ANYTHING for myself...so you know what ate up all my money? GAS.
So I didn't get called back about the job that was only going to offer me $8-$9 an hour to begin with. And I have to be honest...I'm disappointed. I know with this tough economy there were probably a lot more applicants more qualified than I, but had I been offered the job despite the annoyingly-low pay, I would have taken it, because I NEED something. I need something to keep gas in my car, to be able to pick up things my son needs, to be able to buy my own tampons, for goodness sake. Pretty soon I'll also be expected to pay back school loans which is why I want to go ahead and get a Master's degree program started soon.
This is not about my faith right now. I am faithful that God has a plan for me but all I can think of is how broke I am right NOW. Right NOW I need the job and the money. Luckily PDL chapter 14 discussed When God Seems Distant. I feel closer to God than I ever have before, and yes it's a wonderful feeling I wouldn't trade for any other, but down here on earth I am faced with mounting debt and a child and I am frustrated. A good point made was an obvious one, that it is always easy to praise and worship God when everything is going as we want it to, but the deepest level of worship is continuing the same wholehearted praise and worship when times are rough.
I haven't had a full convo in Ericka in weeks now. A friendship with God will have the same bouts of separation. This is a test of the maturity of your friendship with God. Will you continue to trust him even when it seems he has stopped caring? These separations are necessary for the development of your faith. Often it has nothing to do with sin. I used to believe that God allowed me to be raped because of all the bad things I was doing. I don't believe that anymore.
When God seems distant, we should tell him exactly how we feel. We should remain focused on God's unchanging nature. Despite any circumstances with which we have been presented, always know he loves us, is with us, and has a plan for us. Trust that he will always keep his promises, and remember everything he has already done for you. I can look at just waking up everyday as a blessing, having my son wake up everyday is a blessing...etc. But if I ever forget that, I can remember that God sacrificed his son Jesus for us, and Jesus died a horrible death on the cross.
The question: How can I stay focused on God's presence even when he seems distant?
This is something I am getting much better at. If nothing else, I can think back to October 6, 2006. If no other day of my life, I felt blessed that day. Nothing can take away from the moment when my son was born. Absolutely nothing. On that day, I felt like I had been favored. Especially after we were told he may have been born with a heart valve defect that would require surgery, then to be told that he was fine...how about that?
All babies deserve love and affection and great care regardless of how they come out. But all I know is, of all the defects, diseases, etc that my child could have been born with, for him to come out as beautiful as he was is nothing short of a blessing. I thank God for making me a woman and using me as a vessel to bring such a beautiful little person to earth. I wouldn't pay any amount of money to be a man and not experience the joy of having another full person growing inside you. This is why I think women are so absolutely wonderful. We sacrifice our bodies for nine months, then go through the pains (or maybe not so much with drugs, etc) of childbirth. We deal with monthly inconveniences and gender discrimination. Yet we still thrive. We still are doing our thing raising our kids, etc.
When I get down on myself or my situation, I really need to remind myself that there are people out there in worse situations and pray for THEM.
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Posted by sasmith on 2008-07-30 01:57:59 | Rating: | Views: 58
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Keep trusting my friend...you are right when times are hard is when it's hardest to trust...but know that God will never let you go! Thinking about others who have it harder then you is a great thing. God bless you!
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Posted by leannah10
on 2008-08-05 20:56:23
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