I wake up in the morning feeling weak and tired once again.
I go to the restroom to look at myself in the mirror.
What do I see?
A disappointment that should’ve not been born in this world.
I get naked and weigh myself, and it says that I weigh 110.I feel angry for weighing so much, Feeling worthless and unloved once again.
I look at my eyes, wishing they were blue, just like the ocean, and my body, wishing it was smaller like those models I see on television.
I hate myself so much for looking the way I do.
I did not take a shower today, I am afraid that the water that touches my body will be absorbed and will make me gain a pound.
Mom calls me down for breakfast, one thing that I dread to go to. I look at the food, and it looks very good.
The smell of fresh bread and eggs with ham and cheese, my stomach grumbles and my mouth gets watery as I sit down.
But I pinch my fat stomach, and slap the rubber band on my wrists hard to remind me that food is evil.
As she turns away, I put the food in a napkin little by little so she can think that I ate.
She gets the car keys to take me to school; I get scared because I don’t want people to see me.
I’m afraid they will see me fat and not talk to me. I don’t want them to think any wrong of me because I am a fat pig.
Every food that I eat should always be taken out of my mouth. I go days starving, and sometimes I binge eat but that’s when I purge everything out, either on laxatives or by mouth.
Eating disorder, it’s what you guys may call it. I am addicted to doing what I do, to lose weight.
It is easier, faster but dangerous.
But do I care?
At the moment I don’t. I just want to get skinny faster.
Eating disorder, is my drug, don’t try to take it away from me.
This is just a little story of life with anorexia and bulimia that goes out of control.
It’s in people’s head, voices that take control of them.
I don’t have that, but many people go through it.
I did when I was in high school, but got over it with the help of family and friends.
This story is kind of part of me.
Except for the fact that I did NOT weigh 110, I weighed 123.
It is very addicting and all in your head, and I just wish people could love themselves more and not worry about what others think of them. It’s not worth dying slowly for perfection. It’s not worth dying for people who judge you or dislike you.they are just JEALOUS of you.
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