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| worst. day. |
so today in math class, im sitting alone (because everyone in that class are frenchies, and I prefer not to socialize with them because they're hideous and they think their hot shit) so anyways. Im sitting by myself, and all the guys are sitting in a group and this girl who've I've known since kindergarten was sitting with them. Lets call her A. I know this sounds fucked, and I have no fucking idea why, but A has always been very jealous of me. A's parents divorced at a young age, and she lives with her mom now and they're kind of poor. I have no problems with that what so ever and i would never tell anyone that, cause i dont want to start something like that! A has always tried to be so fake to me, but i can just tell she is soo jealous of me because of my clothes and i dont even know what . like serously, why the fuck would someone be jealous of me, i actually i have no idea why. I know this because she would always tell her best friends (this was about like two years ago) that I always got everything and i was spoiled and shit. and like , im not at all :|
so anywayssss .. A follows around the guys in math class, and she always sits with them. So I guess today she was pissed off cause they left her alone basically all class to go and flirt with the french emmersion girls. This one guy came back, and they were writing notes. Im pretty sure the notes were about me, but i actually couldn't care less. Thats what immature teenage boys do. So then they told me to pass the note to Jake, and i was going to , but then my math teacher made me bring it up to him. I did gladly, and I wasn't embaressed at all. My math teacher is really young and hip and shitt and i guess he read the note. The only thing that bothers me, is if the note said something about me, and then he read the note and he feels guilty for me. Cause honestly, i would rather sit by myself in math. So I go up to A and the one guy, and im like well that wasn't my fault, being friendly. and A says "umm .. sarahh .. the note wasn't for you .. ". I actually wanted to say "OMG I fucking love your boots, Zellers, right?" and she would have been soooo fucking embaressed. But i tried to not get worked up, and i said "yeahh, obvously .. was it bad shit on the note?" and she said "sarahh .. you know the note wasn't for you .. " and i was like "KAY TRUEEEEEEEE!" and i fucking went back to my deskk and did my workk .
I just wishh soo badly that I would let her know that I actually pitty her for being so fucking pathetic. I would neverrrrrrrr treat someone like that. If she says anything else bitchy to me though, sometthing is definatly going to be saidd. And Im going to hitt her where it hurts, im not going to say some pussy thing and call her a bitch, no. Im going to say something that will let her know to back the fuck off.
For some reason I was extremely depressed and i thought of skipping the afternoon and coming home and killing myself. Then I realized that the 2nd part of my english ISU was due today, so I had to go.
I have come to the conclusion, that it's me thats fucked up in the head. I think that I don't have a lot of friends, because i dont talk to anyone. How can I expect people to talk to me if I always avoid them? There are so many girls at my school who are soooooo physically unnatractice, and they still have boyfriendss and shitt.
kay so i have been taking these fucking meds for about 3 weeks now, and I don't notice a difference at all. They are for anxiety disorder, and hopefully that will help out with the social phobia.
its like three am and im beattttttt
peaace.
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Posted by sarahh on 2009-05-02 03:04:05 | Rating: | Views: 30
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