I have been soooo busy lately, i dont even have time to eat.
finally, im on medication for depresssion and anxiety, because i had an anxiety attack a few weeks ago. the medication won't show any effects until about a few months in, and i hope this shitt workss. Serously, i hate this feeling.
i know for a fact, one day i am going to commit suicide. When I say that, it doesn't even occur to me how serious that really is, but I know its going to happen. One day, the depresssion will just get the better of me, and I'll be fed up with all the stupid fucking doctors and all the stupid therapy and medication, and just end it.
I feel very guilty and selfish saying that, because there are children fighting for their lives, and would do anything to live. There are people that would give many things for the things i have and do. People might think I'm ungrateful or greedy, but it's not my fault, im fucked in the head. Nothing really matters to me, and sometimes I'm very materialistic because on a scale from one to ten for self confidence, I would aim somewhere from a 0 or a 1. I do feel guilty for all of those people, and I wish that I could help, but nobody knows what I'm going through.
The Phycologist says that I have social anxiety, and I think this is true. I dont talk to people (other than my best friend) unless they talk to me first. I get really nervous when I meet someone new, and think that they will think of me as shit. Walking through the halls at school, makes me nervous. I think that everyone hates me. If people are in the hall infront of me laughing, they are probably laughing at me. I never speak my own opinion, unless its to the few friends I really have. I am just very unsociable, and to the point where its not normal.
Why can't i just be normal? I normal fucking person who isn't fucked. doesn't have to take pills everyday.
I am so fucking stupid. i am getting a 32 % in math. Why the fuck am i so stupid! I go every single day. This makes soo angry, why can't i just have a normal brain?
I haven't purged in a lonng time. about a month? but I always think about it. I haven't been eating much lately, but today I have. Yesterday I was out with my mom and I was really scared I was going to faint, from not eating barely anything for the past three days. When I look in the mirror i see an overweight person, and nobody likes me because im fat. No man will ever love me, nobody will ever want to be my friend because I am overweight and have an ugly face.
im not worthy of anyone love. When I am older, and if I am happy with my life, I know I will look back at my teenage
|
|
| Views: 32
Email This to a Friend 