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Its been a few weeks since i was sitting at the airport and wondering how did i fuck up my life so bad.
I just wonder did I make the right decision .. i know i didnt. I know i made the wrong choice but i have to ride out the wave. I have to find a way to make it work. For some of you who read this just take my advice since i couldnt take it myself. Do not Fall in love... Do not sacrafice anything you care about or love for someone. If that person is not willing to get off their high horse to be with you .. then its not worth it. Now i am a mess in my life because i choosed to be a dumbass and not listen to advice because I thought i was secure in my relationship. I met this great guy.. well thats what i thought but now he is a habitual lair. I do not believe in anything he says.. i just have him repeat words i like to hear to give me a false security and comfort for the time being till i can sort through everything and get myself situated and then leave. I am not a good person. I am not the kindest person. I am not the smartest or the prettiest. I am clever at times. I am very far from perfect. Its easy to cry victen sometimes. We always see things in black and white. there is a lot of grey area , but we do not like picking the bad guys... cause in all moral teachings ... thats wrong... but everyone has some good in them. I been a cheater in all my past relationships. I claim that i am faithful because i am capable of doing so. I have never been faithful at some point of my relationships because the other party has always failed me in being good to me so when they cheat... i do too... i know they say two wrongs do not make a right but as long as they never found out .. i was always good. I always had to be that good girl .. well no angel but at least not a slut. I always tried to prove to them i was different from the rest and i was not going to hurt them and bla bla bla bla... well you get the picture.. but then once they get their confidence back they go and fuck up and hurt me while i was being good to him.... soo i would go and start talking to the next guy and have something lined up incase of something... yes i am good at banking... ok banking men sounds wrong but i hear its a good profession if you want fast cash... ok ok.. back to what i was saying... so i would do my thing... what you want details.. sorry i have to charge for that.... but anyways...so they go and do their dirt i actually start to wonder if those girls were wrong for leaving them they way they did cause shit they deserved to be treated like shit aftrer doing what they did.. yes ladies if a man complains about how their ex did them dirty.. there is a 90 percent chance they deserved it big time.. so i then think ok i am done with the games and all i want to settle down cause i found this amazing guy... we get pregnant and make plans and so on... he goes and cheats on me with a stripper... ok what i am about to say might be too much info but i am tighter then her, younger and freakier.. soo... now he wants the rush of a government approved prostitute who can get tracked down by the IRS.. and yes i said it lol.. and i have to come home to this.. he tells her that she was just a bet and a toy and he tells me he loves me.. i dont believe him but i am just going to go and agree with him to just get through the days ahead.. now i start to get pissed off at him cause he cant please me.. i mean he cant keep up with me.. now size is not an issue its just how you going to be fucking someone else and then when i come along you cant give it to me as much as i want to... and if yall dont understand... i am pregnant.. i know having sex will make me feel better and sexier also it releases stress so .. i want sex all the time.. just that he cant turn me out. i have not had an orgasim yet.. i mean it feels great just that i am not satisfide.. he cant last as long as i can.. which sucks cause after we are done i want more... and more.. shit i am just about to buy a toy at this point... well i am going to go cause my eyes hurt and i cant see ... dont have my glasses on... well i will continue tomorrow or later on.
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Posted by sajoiry on 2007-11-07 18:43:30 | Rating: | Views: 118
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It's the sad thing that only by having experiences do we learn about people. That's why I dated my wife on and off for 6-7 years before we were married. Yes I had many bad experiences along the way. Looking back I realize that is part of the game. It's that way for all of us and is a process in which we grow. Just let time heal your wounds and get on with life. Above all get over your bitterness.
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Posted by BIGB0B
on 2007-11-07 20:19:22
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Well, I can't say I know exactly how you feel, but I do know that love can hurt. It hurts a lot and leaves you with a huge gap in you. Brace yourself, raise your head high, and think of the great things that are coming up, because even though everything seems bad, there will be something to cheer you up no matter what.
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Posted by lies_for_the_romance
on 2007-11-07 20:56:28
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My Dear, Did you have this experiences in your short 21 years in this life of your, Then I would say hold on tright there is much more to come.
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Posted by shellyme
on 2007-11-07 21:28:58
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