Yeah, so...I started yet again...first I'd like to say how much I dislike being a female...and second...how painfully disappointed I am. 

My husband says not to worry about it...it will happen when it happens...all of the bullshit answers that people give you when they have no clue what you're going through.  I truly feel like he could care less if we have another child...this is something he and I have never agreed on.  He's always shot for the "possibly 2" category where I would love to have  4, 5, more...I want a big family.  I want the sibling relationships that I didn't get to have growing up...I want...another little life that will love me unconditionally...

It just makes me so mad!  I have done everything differently...when I found out I was pregnant with Rylen I never quit smoking...I ate the most unhealthy food...it was bad...now, I've quit smoking...I'm big into fruits and veggies...and with what little time I have...I try to be active...even if it's not actual excersice...know what I mean...I just feel like I've done so much...and nothing's changing...nothing's working...but why should it be any different?

It seems like every time I've had something good going for me...it backfires...relationships, jobs, school stuff...the only think that has turned out exactly perfect is Rylen...yeah he has his quirks...but I blame those on myself and my husband...he won't go to bed on his own...or sleep through the night...or even sleep in his room....but it's because we don't make him...we've never made him...just little things like that...
I mean...my husband and I don't even like each other some days...he has anger issues...he has control issues...but I have issues with saying no...or standing up for myself....so it kinda works out...

I don't know...just felt like having a pity party today...