For me, Halloween is like a chance to explore the dark side of me; to become (symbolically) all the things I admire about the beings of magical, mythical or folkloric origin, or simply to explore a side of me that remains hidden during normal, everyday life.

For example, last Halloween, I 'became' a vampire, as represented in popular fiction and folklore. I had the fake fangs, the beautiful velvet cloak, the black balldress. My thoughts were more assertive, darker, more manipulative. This year, I'd quite like to be a vampire again, only this time exploring the other side of gender; be mannish, more masculine in high waisted trousers, white piratical shirt and tails, together with a delicate 'girl' in a beautiful dress. Where I am to find this male-female, this 'delicate girl', I am honestly not sure, but there is one option - whether I ask this person about the option will be another thing entirely. It is simply a fantasy, nothing more, but the best fantasies are those which are possible in life.

I am a person who is naturally inclined towards all things gothic - but who is so versatile in everyday life that I can switch from hip-hop hip-swaying dancing to funking to metal (the latter is preferable, I hasten to add.) Does this exploration of other, 'darker' or 'forbidden' sides have any kind of meaning? Why can't I explore those sides in everyday life? Would I want to? It's so easy for me to 'be' gothic in appearance - I naturally have pale skin, a penchant for eyeliner and dark, violent music. But the inside is where the true gothic nature can be seen: an appreciation of night - a sort of 'coming alive' when sundown hits - a love of violent architecture, of sublime nature - and, indeed, all that is sublime, books, music and imagery. But why carry this through into life every single day? I am comfortable with my inner feelings; why express them to all and sundry?

Of course, this Halloween, I'll see how it feels - but this Halloween will be more to do with switching gender for a night, about exorcising ghosts from the past to do with (in)equality and unhappiness. The gothic side is who I am; it doesn't need to be written on my face in lashings of eyeliner or entirely black clothing (although that would be nice, with a gothically-inclined companion for fun and games.)