that is my question.
well more specifically its a question of "do i bother to talk to nick at the party on friday night?"
i know what i will be saying if i choose to talk to him
i want to ask him if we can forget the last month or so
and just go back to being friends
ill tell him that i miss his company
and just generally miss his friendship
ive found it really hard to go from having someone who you feel you can tell anything to
who you can joke and muck around with, and act like you havent a care in the world
and then its just gone in the blink of an eye
my girlfriends arent around enough to fulfil that role, and the role cant be split between many people
dont get me wrong, im not after him for a relationship again
no no im pretty much over him
its his friendship that i miss and just being able to have him to talk to and laugh with
having so much in common with someone is a rare thing
i dont want to lose someone who i was that close to over something so stupid as name calling
i need guidance
do i talk to him?
or ignore him completelyuntil he apologises?
im 99% certain that both nick and amy will be at the party on friday
but it doesnt really bother me that much
and if i do talk to him
do you think that he will accept me with open arms?
or turn me away with a cold heart?
i dont know what to think, and im not seeing any of my best friends before the party
so i really dont have anyone to ask for help (i dont like talking on the phone)
anyway...on to happenings in my life at the moment
went to the rave on friday :)
and it was awsome
best time i have ever had
went with 2 of my best friends, who just so happen to be dating each other
the girl is my very best friend, and her bf is one of my close friends, and also one of nicks close friends
(it is the bfs party that nick and i are both going to this friday)
anyway at the rave i met new people, danced my heart out, had some serious discussions with my friends
and just generally had an awsome time
the serious discussion started between myself and my best friend, about how much she loves her bf and how desperate i am to find someone to call my own
then her bf joined and the discussion turned to sex
they asked me to have a threesome with them
which i am seriously considering
ive always wanted to have a threesome
and to be able to have it with two of my best friends is probably the best way to do it
im bi curious, and quite open to having sexual encounters with other girls
but there is one thing i have never had done to me
and am not quite sure wether or not i would be open to recieveing this during a threesome
especially from one of my best friends
i just dont feel comfortable with the idea of having someones head between my legs
im very self concious about my weight, hair, smells etc
so i dont really know if i want either of them down there
but other than those two dilemmas my lifes ok i guess
uni is getting slightly more stressful
and im still throwing up after some meals
i just want someone to take my mind off anything that is troubling me
my ex-ex bf continues to harass me, trying to get me to go out with him to parties and events
i dont think hes getting the message that im filling my social calendar up with people i WANT to hang out with
if i wanted to hang out with him, then i would make the effort
it just so happens that i dont want to, and he doesnt seem to get it
i just want my life to be empty of drama for once!
is it too much to ask for some peace?
i wish that:
- i wasnt fighting with anyone
- my grandmother wasnt seriously ill
- i had my act together and didnt leave my assignments to the last minute and then get stressed out
- i had someone to cuddle up to at night, or when im sad (and my cat doesnt count)
- i didnt have to always resort to drugs and alcohol to feel happy
- my family wasnt so screwed up
- my friends didnt live so far away
- i had my drivers license so i could go places and see people
- i didnt have such a hard time making friends
- i didnt spend all my money
- i wasnt so materialistic
- i didnt push people away when things get tough
- i didnt make myself throw up all the time
- i wasnt so insecure about my body and my looks
- peoples words didnt hurt me so much
but most of all i just want someone to notice that yes, there is something wrong with me
and i want to know that someone actually cares about me
thanks guys
love roxie
xoxo
