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skeptical

im getting over the nick and amy situation
although im going about it quite slowly
im still unable to eat much
and am constantly throwing up meals when i do eat

havent talked to nick since the fight
its been almost 2 weeks, and im very proud of my grudge holding abilities
apparently theyre better than i had thought

ive changed my appearence quite dramatically in the last week
ive gotten another facial piercing
i got my septum pierced, and i didnt chicken out this time
ive also dyed my hair all black and have a new hair cut
this is quite a change from my multicoloured hair and has shocked many people

i think this change is good for me though
it allows me to try and forget how i was during "that part" of my life
i dont want to go back there
im not going to be the one to crack first
i have nothing to apologise for, and nothing to be ashamed of
its nick with the problems
and he wonders why he has no friends?

ive spent most of my time since my last post exercising and hanging out with friends
and doing university work
im sleeping better now, at least
and my friends are still being extra kind to me, thanks guys
but i still miss my best friend alot
she lives too far away to go and see her on the weekend
and she works and goes to university, as do i
she also has her boyfriend to think of, which is understandable

im also missing having someone to hang out with on the weekends
and to have random, pointless conversations with
and to send text messages to every 2 seconds
in other words, i do miss nick
but after all hes done to me, i dont want him back

im just lonely thats all
people are trying to make me go out with other guys
mainly guys that are aquaintences, but not friends
who are usually friends of friends
which is how i got into this mess in the first place
so im skeptical to do it

all i want is someone who is a male, who will never be anything more than a friend
that was where things between myself and nick got complicated
if we had been able to keep it in our pants, we would still be close friends

i also really want a fling or a boyfriend to take my mind off my loneliness
mostly a boyfriend
flings dont tend to come off well for me

i think i need some advice
or some comfort

love roxie
xoxo