It is truly amazing to think about how much I’ve changed this past year. I came into college thinking that I was already a very jaded individual, when in fact, I was the epitome of naivety, the level where you don’t even realize that you are. I am sure that there are still quite a few things that I haven’t been exposed to (in fact, I know there are), but I know I have learned quite a bit about the world and myself that I was not privy to six months ago. All in all, I would have to describe my learning process as a painful one. As with most things in life, the knowledge that I attained always came after the crucial juncture. However, I am not bitter about these events, how else is one supposed to learn? The only feeling that I have that could be akin to regret, would be this sense of loss. Although I have gained so much valuable information this year, it has been gained at the cost of a large portion of my innocence (which I mean in the broadest of definitions). I don’t think people should be hung up on innocence, and I don’t think that I am personally obsessed with the concept. It’s just one of those scenarios where you don’t realize you even liked/had something until you’ve lost it. So I now present you with an eulogy to innocence lost:

Inno Cence was a long held acquaintance of mine, in-fact, I knew her for eighteen years. One would assume that we had a deep and loving relationship with one another, and although I miss her deeply now, I am greatly saddened to admit that in life I hardly knew her. How could this be possible? She was one of those great friends that are too often taken for granted until they are missed. For this grievance I am sure I will forever have a tiny pang of regret when reflecting back on her and the full friendship we never shared.

Inno Cence was a good and loving person, although I sometimes misinterpreted her actions, and would even at times become embarrassed of them! I now realize what a fool I was; how could anyone be embarrassed of someone who always assumed the best of the world and the people in it? Yes, Inno Cence did have her faults, she was alarmingly ignorant in certain aspects of life, but I now realize that these faults were minor, and really made her the great person she was.

I wish that I could say Inno Cence had a clean and quiet end, but she had a long and drawn out illness finally accumulating in her death. Her troubles began with her battle with depression, which was exacerbated by the untimely death of her mother. I hadn’t realized it at the time, but her rosy glow had been replaced with a ghastly pallor. Still, she managed to pull through and was able to make it to college with me. Here she met many wonderful people, and believed her problems were some vague bad dreams that existed in some distant nightmarish universe.

I think that she might have lived in this imperfect state, for perhaps a few more years, but she instead met a new friend who turned out to be nothing of the kind. I of course am referring to Al Cohol. Al Cohol and Inno Cence met fairly early in the school year. There interactions were harmless flirtations at first, but managed to escalate into an abusive relationship within the span of a few weeks. Al Cohol, who had seemed like such a great guy soon showed he had a dark side. Unfortunately for Inno Cence, by the time she realized Al’s true nature, she was in too deep. I remember how she desperately swore him off time and time again, but he would always lure her back with promises of change.

Inno Cence’s run in with Al Cohol proved to be too much for her to handle. I witnessed the change that he brought in her, not realizing that his affects were to become permanent. She slowly became increasingly pallid, a mere ghost in comparison to her former self, until one day she faded away completely.

I wish that I could say I knew that Inno Cence’s life was in danger, but throughout her whole illness, I never realized how far gone she was. I wish that I could see her face once more, and apologize for how I ignored her and took her for granted, but I realize that this is a great friend that I have lost forever.

Inno Cence I hardly knew you, but you will be greatly missed.