So I come to work tonight -- after not working last night -- and find that my med cou nts were off (in the med log), for 3 of the 7 kids we have in placemen t right now... Not just one, but 2 freaking nights  in a row! 

Now, I'd set up the kids' meds correctly in each c ase (for the next day); but of course the young ki d (22 y.o.) 

who worked last night has got it marked all over t he place that my counts were off -- 3 or 4 differ ent places    in the med log itself, & also a big real obvious note in the daily log, which everyone looks at... Along with a note to the boss:  "MED COUNTS OFF FOR [so & so, such & such, & another kid]... Also, Shannon, please call me at home when you get in."  Yikes! All of a sudden I'm all paranoid about "being in trouble.."  Right?  

 

Damn I hate that! Everybody makes mistakes now & again right? Yeah, so maybe some nights I dont actually count every damn little pill in every damn bottle of every kids' meds... But instead, just mark down x-number of fewer pills than there would've been last night (if I was the one that worked last night)... Hell, EVERYBODY that works 3rd shift here does that once in a while! But -- wham! -- by golly, if you get off  in a count one night, & then don't do an actual count the next two nights... You're f*#$!!ed!   Or so my insecurity is telling me. Actually the guy was just doing his job, noting the med counts were off --like he's supposed to, I suppose -- and just wanted to talk to the boss about a completely unrelated matter. Maybe he wants to ask her if he can trade a shift with me...? But anyway, it's just kind of disconcerting. Especially, I suppose, when there have been several times when I've found the med counts all screwed up (by other staff on 3rd shift)... but not felt the need to bring it to everyone's attention! Oh well, all I can do is (like Dear Old Dad used to say), Pay [more] attention to what the hell I'm doing!  Actually, I'm not worried about the whole thing all that much; probably nothing will come of it. But it COULD be -- well in fact, it actually IS -- a licensing issue. And of course, we're up for licensing review (and accreditation) sometime in the next four weeks. Yeeesh. I gotta get a real job! 

 

Actually, I've been thinking hard lately about a private practice gig of sorts. A community-services type of a deal... offering advocacy, older adult support services & case management, youth empowerment programming, crisis intervention, and addicitions treatment services. Obviously, we're talking pretty  ambitious, Big Picture kind of stuff here... But hey, that's what dreams are made of, right? There was a time in my life when I never thought I'd EVER have a college degree -- let alone, become a professional, and have a home & 20 acres in the U.P.!  Why at one time in my life there was some question whether I'd ever be able to walk or talk again!  Miracles DO happen! And there's been a million other people who've started from just about nothing & established successful human services agencies. Of course there's always going to be licensing issues, red tape, hoops to jump through, and LOTS of paperwork in that process, too..... But I'm not even 50 years old yet... God willing, I plan to be at this at least 

another  12-15 years.... A LOT can happen in 12 years!  There's nothing that says this dream can't come true. (Just processing ideas here.)

 

....Of course, as I alluded to in the beginning of this post, I AM going to have to do something about this nagging insecurity & self-doubt!  And that's gotta start with NOT doing those things I do to set myself up, right? (self-sabotge) Like... not counting meds every night I work.... Right?