Thoughts.com Blogs - the birds and the bees talk

when my oldest daughter was a brownie
and I was about 6 months pregnant
I was the leader

one day we scheduled a field trip
to the Robert Crown Health Center
in Hinsdale, Illinois

instead of having the nature talk
the one we booked
we found ourselves in the wrong place at the wrong time

not a single word was uttered about any flowers or trees
they were about to tell my little brownies
how to become mothers
and nothing about mother nature
we were completely trapped in our seats
there was no backing out
when they began explaining the facts of life
it was extremely quiet
you could hear a pin drop

and before I had a chance to react
the girls were told
about
the birds and the bees

needless to say
every single kid in that auditorium
turned around and stared at me sitting in the back of the room
all looking a bit amazed and a tad disgusted
my poor daughter was mortified

later,
on the way home
the little brownies
were asking me question after question
"that's a good one" Id say
"don't forget to ask your mom about that tonight"

I felt obligated to walk each girl to their door
to warn their unsuspecting moms
to expect an interesting conversation that night
and
if any of them were like me
they were not prepared just yet for that line of questioning
we figured we had plenty of time for all that

Nicole was my oldest
and when the time was right
after talking to a few people for advice
and then carefully planning what I would say for weeks
I was going to read her a couple of books
and show her a movie or two
but not until she was

much older

when I tucked Nicole in that night
she said
Mom, I get the whole idea
the only part I don't understand
is how the sperm gets from the male
and ends up fertilizing the egg
inside the female

now remember
I was the one who thought in order to have a baby
you had to pray
until
Joannie Woodfall
who lived across the street from me
spilled the unbelievable beans

actually, I did not believe her
I figured
my parents would never do something like that!

that's another story

oh jeeze
I had nothing prepared
no books or charts
or tapes

so I thought for a moment and said
"well Nicole,
honey
it gets from the male to the female
kind of like a squirt gun!

A number of years later when I was trying to tell
daughter #2
the facts of life
I'd sing
'Let me tell ya about the birds and the bees
and
the flowers and the trees
and the moon up above
and
a thing called love'
and I would proceed to serenade her with the rest of the song
while she ran around the house holding her ears
she had absolutely no desire to hear a word of it
she ran into Nicole's room and said
'Make her stop, make her stop'

Nicole had heard the song I had been singing
and said
"oh no, hide
she is going to tell you the squirt gun story!"