Lost in phone jail
While locked in phone jail,
you encounter a never-ending
amount of imaginary hallways or categories.
Each one is lined with cells or numbers,
and you had better pay close attention
because a computer voice is going to ask you an endless amount of questions
that might possibly take at least 10 minutes to recite and you must listen closely
and
be able to respond in a moments notice
or
you will be sent to the end of the line
where they demand you wait an inordinate amount of time
once again
and you find yourself back in the middle of the exasperating process
to a series of choices that have to be made
and God help you
if you make a bad choice,
or hesitate
you’ll end up lost in a holding tank
somewhere????
with no way to escape
other than to bail,
by hanging up
now you are back at square one
Most people give up at this point.
to keep from going over the edge
allthough
If you manage to miraculously get past the guards
once you get to the next destination,
which by the way could be as far away as India or some other foreign country
you might encounter an accent that prevents you from communicating your situation
if that happens, they throw you back into phone jail
all the endless choices start all over again
with new numbers to choose and new prompts
to add more confusion to the mix
they direct you to hit pound or star when you finish.
When you finally get on the other side of all that garbage
with your sanity still in tact, they might ask you to leave a message
for someone who ends up not being the person
you were trying to reach in the first place
and before you have a chance to explain that to the stranger,
you are asked if you are satisfied with your message,
and you say,
wait one darn minute here,
what message?
I have not left one yet!
then you are told to hit 1 if you want to review your message
the one you never sent
and
a few more questions and choices are required to continue
oh and the next obstacle
is that computerized voice that is hard of hearing
"what state are you looking for"
you answer, "Wisconsin"
the computer voice says, "oh, you said Alaska"
"no, I said Wisconsin"
"Im sorry I did not get that will you repeat it please"
"Wisconsin"
"Im sorry"
and by the way
they are not sorry
they are not even human
machines are incapable of being sorry!
"Did you say Alabama?"
"No, Wisconsin!"
"Wisconsin"
"Wisconsin"
"I am sorry, I do not understand you, you must be insane and have a bad attitude"
click!
then you just want to throw the phone as far as you are able!
you tell yourself
they are not going to win
you will not allow it
so you hit redial
but it doesnt work
because you have hit so many extra numbers
you are forced to dial the place all over again
and someone or something says
If you want to this to be in English, press 19
If you want to cancel your service, press 14
If your last name is more than 2 syllables, press 13
If you get your newspaper delivered, press 10
If you are calling from a touch tone phone, and if its beige, press 8
If you are sitting while making this call, dial 2
ridiculous
computer phone calls love to end conversations
and we will not even go into the scenario
when a computer calls you
thats another story
this phone jail frustration
happens daily to all of us
we cant get away from it,
regardless of what we are trying to do
call a cable company
make a complaint
or
settle a bill
Someday we are going to have mental hospitals filled with people
who had been abused while tring to make a simple call
entire populations of people will lose their minds
as a result of having been tortured in phone jail.
You know those mentally imbalanced people who walk into a public place
and start shooting randomly at total strangers???
they are all human beings suffering from phone jail stress syndrome
9 times out of ten none of us are able to accomplish anything
due to sheer exhaustion and a possible mental breakdown
How about the poor older generation
My Dad told me he has trouble just making dinner reservations
its way too complicated
no matter what your reason for making that phone call
They don’t let you out for good behavior.
someone get me a nail file!
people
people
I just want a human being
thats all
a human being
who speaks english!
Is that too much to ask?
"Im sorry, did you say ass?"
click
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