I was riding my bike along the lake one beautiful sunny afternoon trying to figure out my next move. 

 I had just received the disappointing news that the show

 I was working on

Steve Dahl and Garry Meiers

It's Too Early

a live morning talk show

airing 5 days a week

 from 7am till 9am

had been canceled without warning

it was now dead

without a funeral

no time to mourn

I turned west on Fullerton

 and

 accidentally discovered a production company setting up for something? 

 Mesmerized by all the activity,
 I stood and watched the crew buzz about busy as little beavers. 

 It was then that I noticed a women, 

who looked like she might have been in charge

 I had no idea what she was in charge of...?

I approached her and asked if there were any jobs available.

Stunned, that I even asked

she told me in a

"you have got to be kidding"

tone

"that they had everyone they needed"

thank you very much

and furthermore

"tomorrow was day one on location"

I was about to turn my bike around and ride away when I had a thought,

there was no way I was going to find work by the next day

so why not offer to work for free. 

I decided then and there not mention this to my dad.

He did not want me to quit my teaching job

 or

 the job at the Chicago Tribune

the careers with all the benefits etc

However

on the bright side

 I might learn something and besides,

 I loved show biz so much, I'd pay someone to let me watch.

Tomorrow they were going to give me a front row seat and give me the chance to learn for free

such a deal

If I was lucky

I might even get my own walkie talkie

I watched so many movies being filmed in Chicago,

while I toiled away at those" responsible jobs"

 I desperately wanted to be a part of all the excitement

but that's another story

The women in the kacki vest

gave me an

"oh well, I have nothing to lose sort of look"

 in that case

"report to work at 5 am the following morning"

"meet her at the el tracks"

I had a great big grin on my face as I rode back home along the lake

I did not even know the name of the movie or who was in it.

I felt like I won the lottery

I'd worry about how to pay the rent later

I think my dad would have viewed the situation differently

but I was on cloud nine

all the while thinking to myself

5 am must be the magic time

for all show biz jobs

that's the same time I had to report to

Its too Early

 but its not really

when you are going somewhere fun and exciting

never a dull moment

you never know what to expect

I love that part

which is another story

Send me flying outside my comfort zone and I feel fresh and alive

The next morning I put on my show biz outfit

blue jeans,

 khaki vest,

 polo shirt

 and

tennis shoes

and rode my bike back to Fullerton.

It felt like I was joining a circus. 

 It's the sort of the feel one gets when you are working on a movie,

 regardless of what you are doing,

tv

features

commercials

or

 movie of the week,

 which this one just so happened to be,

staring

Art Carney

the genius comic

from the hit series

The Honneymooners

staring Jackie Gleason

I have a Jackie Gleason story

another time

Art was one of my all time favorite comedians

His character Ed Norton and Don Knots', Barney Fife

were the quintessential second bananas

I was shocked to see the army of people

milling around and hauling tons of equipment

in every direction,

  trucks and trailers filled the skinny streets and alleys,

I never saw so many  

vests

filled to the brim with important stuff

reminded me of old Mr. Greenjeans

the guy who had notes pinned all over himself

that's is even before posted notes were invented, I think...another story,

Regardless,  I immediately knew I made the right wardrobe decision.

I had no idea what everyone was doing

Yet, every single person working on day 1 looked important,
except for me

The lady in charge, madam full charge

 as I liked to call her

was

actually the production manager. 

 She greeted me like she was expecting me

It was as if... overnight

this women realized

she had neglected to hire someone

for a very vital role in this production

 and

 instead of not remembering

 our conversation

 as a little voice inside feared

she was actually

 happy to see me.

 Madam FC invited me to get something to eat and then report back to her. 

 Wow,

 what a spread, free food! 

More food than an Italian wedding,

 all sorts of hot and cold choices

and

there was even one truck equipped

with a kitchen that was taking orders

Breakfast burritos were popular with the inner circle. 

 I helped myself to some juice,

 stuffed and apple and orange in my vest pocket,

 and munched on a toasted bagel

all the while enjoying pleasant conversation

 with the extras...

actually I had no idea they were extras

This particular group of individuals might even be classified under the PA's,

if there was such a thing

or

room under there

they are

the lowest of the low on the ladder to fame

 PA's are the production assistants, the gofers  

yet, extras act like they are the main stars with the most experience

and they love to tell tales

and to someone as green as I was

 they completely captured my attention

with all their amusing, tell all's

  they have the best scoops

 another story

The production manager handed me a walkie talkie

so cool,

 and told me to go 

 to the top of the el steps

and when she signaled,

 I was to stop the commuters from walking down the stairs

  regardless of their destination

Okie dokie

I ran up to my post,

the noise was deafening when an el pulled in,

 the crowds jumped off the train and rushed to the stairs

  practically knocked me over. 

Then I heard the production manager signal me

 to hold them,

"quiet on the set"

 "rolling"

"action"..

I imagined somewhere beneath me there were actors reciting words,

and a director directing the action

 and

 people supervising all sorts of important details

yet

I

couldn't see

or

hear

 a single thing

 because

standing before me

 or

 should I say pushing forward

was an angry mob.

  None of which by the way,

 were in the least bit enamored with show biz. 

 These desperate commuters

were late for work

 and they were not going to let some

 khaki vested PA

with a walkie talkie

tell them that they couldn't get to their jobs on time.

Yeah, I was in a vicarious position,

but not to worry,

I decided to entertain the troops

 with my limited show biz stories,

up close and personals

inquiring minds want to know

inside info

 repeating some tid bits of gossip I had just heard from the extras. 

I tried to distract the poor crowd

they were unruly and angry

I was so relieved every time I'd received the all clear so I could let them go...

this was not what I bargained for

I was not even getting paid for restraining these poor people,

and I could not see or hear a single thing from my perch

what a waste of time and energy. 

 If I wanted to have people hate me, I didn't have to go to the top of  the el tracks

It was the longest morning of my life. 

 Lunchtime finally arrived

thank goodness

I needed to take off my vest

it was so hot up there!

by the time I made it to ground zero, everyone had scattered.

I followed all the vests to a garage that was converted to a sort of cafeteria/restaurant. 

very similar to my first party

in 85 degree heat,

 held at my new house...

made everyone sit in the unfinished,

non air conditioned,

 garage 

I did not want my carpeting to get dirty.

  another story 

Lines formed and food was served, lots of great food..

I looked around and noticed the inner circle standing discussing important stuff

no movie stars in sight

 and I was wondering where the actors were. 

Jane Kasmaric was Art Carneys co star

working on her first big gig,

 Later she won the role of the mom in Malcolm in the Middle

and married the west wing guy
 who also worked on a Saturday night live type show with Matthew Perry

Her parents were on the set with her

She was so nice and down to earth

 all excited and star struck like someone else I knew

I observed her take a seat with her parents

 and

 I asked madam full charge

if Art Carney was going to join us?

Once again,

she acted like she must have forgotten an important detail,

"Go ask him if he wants us to get him a tray"

His trailer was a few feet away

so I happily knocked on the door.

"Mr Carney, would you like something to eat?"

  He politely mentioned since he was in Chicago

and

 we were parked across the street from a famous pizza place,

that he would love to sample some of Chicago's finest.

  I immediately said,

No Problem, what's your pleasure?

 He gave me his order while he reached into his wallet to give me some cash.

 I looked at him like he was crazy. 

"There is absolutely no way that Art Carney would have to pay for a pizza in this town!"

 He kept insisting, but I was already across the street, inside the pizza joint. 

 "Hi guys, how are you,

guess who is in that trailer

It's Art Carney

yeah

the the guy from the Honneymooners

yeah, my dad and I watched it all the time too

every episode

and he wants one of your famous pizzas!"

The place when up for grabs. 

I managed to get their biggest pizza for free with only one catch.

I mastered the art (getting things for free) 

 while working on the short loved Steve Dahl show

All we needed was his signature

on the owners cap. 

 When I knocked on his door trying to balance the giant box,

he tried to help carry it and give me money...

I said,

"its on the house, if you sign this cap"

 He seemed impressed then said,

"On one condition... that I come back and share it with him.

As I brought the signed cap back to the owner...the place cheered. 

There was only one slight problem

I had never had a pizza

its a long story

but one day I realized I did not like anything that ended with a vowel

oli's ettie, enie's  even... a's

I love tomatoes, hate tomato sauce....another story

 I was wondering how I was going to fake my way through lunch with Art...

 I loved him, I just hated pizza. 

 I never even tasted the stuff.

but by golly,

I was not going to let a little thing like that deprive me of the pleasure of Arts company for lunch.

I managed to move the food around on the plate while we talked non stop. 

 I asked him a million questions about the Honeymooners and shared my life story and just as I finished telling him how I had just lost my job and was working on his movie for free,

 we heard a knock at the door.....

Someone with a clip board, vest and walkie tralkie,  told me to take Mr. Carney to hair...

ok, take him to hair, sure,

Where was hair?...Art told me,

so we leisurely walked to hair,

which was in another trailer

 so I sat and chatted with all the hair people

while Art had his hair done

Soon, another important looking person came and told me to take him to wardrobe,

OK

where might that be Art?

 He took my arm and escorted me to wardrobe.

  By this time

 I knew miss full charge must be looking for me,

 They were almost ready to roll again and my angry crowd would be waiting for me...

 I hid behind a bunch of clothes when another person asked me to take Art to the set...

so my buddy Art took me to the set and by this time the inner circle thought I was

 Art Carneys personal PA

and he did not let on otherwise. 

 At one point in the afternoon

 madam full charge saw me in the middle of an animated conversation
with my new best friend Art,

she gave me a dirty look but did not say a word. 

By the end of that glorious day

 Mr. Carney told me that I was his personal pa and was no longer working for free

I think I made $50 or $75 per day, but I felt like a millionaire and the experience was priceless.

I made sure I gave daily updates and my vest to the poor sucker

who took over my old job on the top of the tracks.

and

that's a wrap, until my next adventure

climbing the show biz ladder and gaining experience

but

that's another story