I’ve been trying to lie in the hammock all summer
It
was either occupied!
Or
I was
occupied
otherwise?
Regardless
Yesterday
I was determined
It was time
to take advantage of a little piece of heaven and finally relax
after
gathering my
book
sunglasses
journal
and
a cold bottle of water to drink
plus
an additional frozen one for my neck
I happened to score
a cup of chocolate mint chip
dip and dots
Those delicious tiny round pellets of ice cream
melt in your mouth
Omg!
I digress
Once outside
I placed a little table to the right of the hammock
for all my paraphernalia
Aimed my bottom
smack dab in the middle
of
the green and navy striped cushion
while holding on to my ice cream
And eased myself into a reclining position
It was rather
like hopping on a moving Ferris wheel
Instantly
Before I even knew what hit me
Besides a few dip and dots
I was plunging to the pavement
Naturally
I managed to knock the table over
While the ground and I were getting acquainted
Regrettably
My much anticipated dessert
Flew in the air
like confetti on New Years Eve
A group of neighbors
had assembled on the beach next door
And
a few of them stood to see if I was ok
I motioned with my empty dip and dots cup
that I was fine
(the only thing that was bruised was my ego)
"thank you!"
I said
then immediately added
“I’ve been trying
to get in this darn hammock all summer!”
I sadly watched
my
dip and dots
disappear
As I hosed them away
With out a trace
Not to be deterred
I ran back inside
for another cup of ice cold green and brown pebble delights
After righting the table
I once again attempted to mount the hammock
Much like a horse
in addition to
Holding on to my second full cup of
dip and dots
I stretched my left leg over the entire width of the padding
And sort of squeezed my knees together
Folding the cushion like an accordion
Steadied myself
and
gently lowered my derriere
Into position
mission accomplished!
There was only one problem
The 2 water bottles and my book were just a tad outside of my reach
as I
attempted to retrieve the desired items
You guessed it!
It was raining dip and dots again
as I was sprawled all over the place
This time the entire cup and its contents went flying in the breeze
I somehow managed to wave to the amused neighbors
By this time
All eyes were upon me
as they actually turned their chairs
to face my direction
A few were straining to see if I had done any damage
With concern on their sunburned faces
Hopefully,
I was able to assure them I was OK
although a tad embarrassed
One said
“Wow, All summer huh?”
while another added
“Do you need some help?”
“Nah, Thanks anyway!”
Most of the group tried to hide their amusement
Yet a few couldn’t contain themselves any longer
Including me
I became hysterical
Literally
couldn’t stop laughing
I’m sure I was a sight for sore sunglassed eyes
Once I realized what my audience
was probably thinking...
They must have figured
I just couldn’t
physically
get myself
into
the darn thing all summer long!
Instead
of not having
the time
to take advantage of the relaxing experience
How hilarious
The more I laughed
The harder they laughed
Its contagious you know!
Another story
Unfortunately
I had exhausted my short supply of dip and dots
So
During my third attempt
I tossed my belongings in the hammock
Lifted my left leg over the obstacle
Like I was about to jump a hurdle
then
Eased
Slowly
down
in
the saddle
I mean
into my coveted spot
And may I add
To a standing ovation from the sun bathers
no less
Although
I didn’t dare bow to the crowd
There I remained without moving a muscle
in that exact same position
even though my glasses were still on the ground
and the frozen water bottle was nowhere to be found
until all the spectators
Eventually
packed up their coolers,
lawn chairs and beach toys
after an afternoon of sunny delight
and disappeared
into their cozy cottages
I have absolutely no intentions
of laying in the hammock again
in the near future
I bought myself some more dip and dot ice cream
And after I plunge into it
I plan to take a dip!
dot dot dot
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