My family bought me an I pod phone for Christmas.
I never even owned an I pod
Totally new to this technology
I was very concerned about my sim card,
even though I have no idea how that thing works,
all I know
that tiny strange looking chip holds all the numbers I need on a daily basis.

Actually my husband didn’t buy the phone and wrap it,
because it’s a bit more complicated than that
I had to go to the store and get it myself.

take a number and wait a very long time for someone to answer a few questions.

I was able to help myself to the hard candy while we waited
I looked around the place and the average age of the customers was about 75
and the average age of the clerks was about 23.
How do these old geezers manage to hear their phones let alone answer

When they finally called my name,

the guy at the AT&T store informed me that I had to purchase a usb cable
in order to have my phone numbers transfer from my old phone to my new one.
I had just about mastered my razor
after years of trial and error
it seem like it took forever
to get all of those digits stored in one place.

To make matters worse,
now we have to dial 11 numbers to make a local call
That’s another story

However
As a result of the blind trust
I placed on my little silver ding a ling
I completely relied on my cell
(which was forever slipping through my fingers
And crashing on the ground)
I do not know a single number by heart.

I digress

The At&T salesman who was waiting on me
(Notice I did not say helping me)
Was certainly not going to be nominated for the employee of the month award
Not only did he fail to go the extra mile for his customer
this guy did not want to go an extra foot

He told me In order to transfer my old numbers to my new phone I had to go to Best Buy or Circuit City and purchase a cable that looks like a lighter and then take it to another place and they might sink it for me, sink, it, I thought you couldn’t get them wet, because they don’t do that, oh no…and if they can’t accommodate me, maybe an Apple store will, but they do not do that there, they only sell them, that is if they have any in stock.
I asked him to check and that’s when he informed me that he was sorry,
“They did not have a single one!"
Although
they were expecting them soon

if I left my number he would call me when they arrived

Actually, I was sort of relieved
I did not have to begin the scavenger hunt right then and there.
But after a week or two, I finally went back

while helping myself to a few pieces of hard candy,
I spotted my super salesman.
“Oh, I saw the note to call you but I thought someone else did”
Here is your phone
How do you want to pay for this?”


He gave me the same vague answers and directed me to the same places
But this time he told me that he heard that the Apple Store might have a class?

I walked out the door feeling so high tech
If anyone wanted to know the temperature in any state
I might be able to give it to them

and
I could check my stocks
But I don’t have any
I could also consult my calendar
But I did not know how to input the dates
As well as send a text
if only I had the numbers 

oh well,
it was time to go shopping for the usb cable/cord drive thing

Brought it home and had no idea what to do with it.
The directions told me to plug one end of the white cord to the phone
and
the other end to my computer.
There was a prompt that asked me if I wanted a tour.
I certainly did,
but I couldn’t get one because I did not have Quick Time
Nobody mentioned anything about that
So I had to download what they should call slow quick time
It took so lomg, I finally put the phone in my drawer and used my razor a while longer
until a friend who owns one,
spent about 4 hours
doing all sorts of things to my phone and computer
pressing buttons
and
asking me for passwords
and for the last 4 digits of my husband’s social security number.

Before I knew it
I had a ring tone and a picture of a rose as my wallpaper and
all my daughter’s wedding pictures were in the I pod phone
somewhere?
She said I had to manually enter all my info

so off I went to meet someone
Who told me to call when I was a few minutes away
only
I couldn’t

I did not now how to turn it on
I could not figure out how to do it
no one mentioned that
So I asked someone if I could borrow their phone
Unfortunelty
I did not know any numbers
And
When my phone started ringing
Or should I say singing
An Abba song
Dancing queen

All I could do was dance

So I started dancing

And it went downhill after that

To tell the truth
I have not been heard from since
If anyone has been wondering where I have been

I’m passing the time looking at
Nicole’s wedding pictures with a magnifying glass because they are all so tiny