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| Grapes, Beer and Sperm |
I like grapes but only green grapes without the seeds. I don't like red grapes and I don't like biting into a crunchy piece of crap after enjoying the sensual juices of the grape. I also don't like oranges with seeds in them. You enjoy a nice slice and then after spit out the seeds.
Another thing I don't like is dark beer. I find it makes my stomach hurt so I stick to the lighter coloured beer. Coors Light is my fave. Is there a Coors without the light? I don't think so. Anyway, it's that and Labatt Blue that I can drink the most of. I pretty much just get a case to myself and I'm good. Well, the old me was like that. Now, I fall asleep after two beers. That probably wouldn't be good at a party cause I'd probably get stuff written on me and my shoes would go missing.
I like drinking at home. This probably sounds bad, really bad but I really like drinking by myself. I can take my time or drink like it's going out of style and nobody says a thing. There no,'hey slow down trucker,' and no 'speed up drowsy you have to catch up'.
Why do we have to catch up with all the lushes? What if we don't want to wake up with a hangover in the morning? Or what if we want to remember the night and not wake up completely blacked out? What if we need to drive home at the end of the night?
I don't think anyone ever knows how stupid they look when they're drunk. Personally, I'm a moron. I'm more sociable but I'm still a moron and I hate being drunk in fron of people. In front of a group of people that is. One or two isn't bad but at a bar with a bunch of people you hardly know and you're there drooling and trying to pick up the person next to you...it just always ends bad.
SPERM!!!!
Now I got your attention. I found a guy willing to donate some sperm so I can get knocked up by a sterile cup and a turkey baster. He seems like an ok guy. Not bad looking either. I hope everything works out so we can make this happen. Even though I don't want to get preggers for another two years but I really wasn't expecting a response so soon. I guess there are enough guys out there who are willing to jerk off in a cup.
Haha that's pretty mean but think about it guys...you have an excuse to mastrubate and then you can create this kid and never see it again. No child support, no nagging woman calling you and no crying kid asking why you're never there for Christmas.
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Posted by restinpieces on 2009-02-24 17:42:42 | Rating: | Views: 71
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