Thoughts.com Blogs - should I stay or should I go . . .

View Blog

should I stay or should I go . . .

is the question that is resonating in my mind today…

Should I leave.. to where would I go ? to what would I go? Why would I go? Why should I stay? What is here for me? What would I be leaving? The snow, the weather?

What will I do here if I stay? Will I stay in this house? Will I sell the house? Where would I move to and why would I move?

My friends–whom can I call ‘friend”? whom can I call to meet me for coffee at the drop of a hat? are they here? no? where are they?

I know that I cannot go back to my single — as in before marriage– days… those are gone. This is a new chapter of my life… the ‘to be continued’ part of my life. I find myself in a funny bracket… no husband to tag-along with anymore. . Couples won’t be coming over as they once did because Rudy Raul is no longer here with me. Though they continue to call, I very much doubt that his single men friends will be stopping by much anymore..

I still feel like I am new to Idaho. After almost 14 years I still have few friends here..When I feel like talking to a friend there really is no one here that I can turn to. Never really has been.

Not too long ago I read that Grieving takes a lot more time than any one of us has the patience for.. Me? I have no choice but to hang in there.. others? they don’t have to. They don’t have to hang in there with me.. they can and have gone on with their lives and whom can anyone blame? not a one.

It is nigh on 4 months since Rudy’s death. How time passes.

After all these thoughts, I am thinking that I am feeling a little peeved at the upset of my life right now. I am going to have to make decisions on my own and I don’t think I really enjoy that thought. I trusted Rudy in those big decisions — we’d make them together but I’d listen to him. I trusted him.

Early on, I had told myself and those who have asked, that I would stay here in Idaho for at least one year — no decisions until at least one year passes. No great life decisions will be made by myself before that time.

Sometimes I think that God brought me here for the sole purpose of loving and caring for Rudy Raul.. outside of him, what was I doing here? and now?

What does God have planned for my life? when he decides to let me know or he gives me a nudge — will I know it for what it is?

should I stay or should I go…

Posted by redbart on 2008-06-29 19:29:48 | Rating:

| Views: 50

Email This to a Friend

Print This Blog Post

Bookmark:

Permalink:

Blog Comments


		Don't ask yourself if you should stay or go. Ask yourself what makes you happy and then persue it, wherever it takes you. I wish you well.
Posted by HungryHeart on 2008-06-30 00:09:11