So here it goes. It is a happy day but at the same time a very sad one as well. After work I decided to call my soulmate. My best friend and boyfriend of two years (before he broke up with me last year in October) is on the other line. Well. For the past four months I have been battling friendship, soulmateship and love. He broke up with me last year because of his very own personal reasons. I am not going into detail since I promised him I would not blog about our relationship or his presence on this earth. Anyways today I made the most treaded phone call I ever had to make. He knows I have been dating my b/f and he also knows that my b/f has been making me happy. For the past month he has been proposing marriage to me. I of course did not even respond to that and declined his offer politely. For the past few weeks I have been feeling a bit strange about everything. I noticed that I started to care about my b/f more than before and our relationship has been developing into something far more deeper than just going out and holding hands. So past Saturday I asked him what he would do if I was not able to be what he wanted me to be and he got a bit upset and said that he loves me and so on. But since then he has not changed his way of talking to me and we have been talking almost everyday like we always have been for the past two years. Today was my day to make things right, for myself and my future and of course my b/f's sake. He was telling me to come up to see him and how I should spend time with him and such. I kept telling him how I could not just come up and he should stop talking that way. Then he asked if he should stop pursuing me and I told him yes and I was telling him how much I loved him but how I would not be his girl again even if my b/f would break up with me tonite. He got upset even though he said he wasn't. I told him how I want a future for my kids and he asked if money was the only reason why I wanted to have a relationship with my b/f. So I had to set him straight. I told him that I was feeling nice feelings for my b/f and how I did not appreciate the fact that he broke up with me last year all of a sudden. Now he wants me back and I told him I am not to be yo-yoed around and I deserve better than that. Then the conversation came to an end. We have not talked since earlier today and he responded very shortly to my txt messages. I asked him if I bothered him and he still did not reply. I feel that he is upset but if he loves me then he should let me go my way and let me take on my new future and be happy for me. He says that I don't love him like he does me because I don't want him. I wanted him for two years but when he did not tell me 'I love you' back as often as I would like have heard it and if he would not have broken up with me then we would not have to go through this. (He broke up with me thinking if I loved him enough I would come back. Wrong way to think that way about me cuz once I leave I never come back.)
People come and go in my life and I believe that my soulmate came and helped me change and see things differently and he made me the person I am now. Everybody gives another person a little of themselves and should be happy to have had such an impact in the other persons life. I am very happy to have him in my life and I told him that I would love him until the end of my days and that we are soulmates and best friends for life but somehow I believe he is going to break contact with me soon and I am upset that he is not holding his part of our promise. Our promise we made to each other two years ago. The reason why I love him so much. And now I am here typing our story and fearing my loss in the best friend I ever had. He knows more about me than my own mom and anyone else I have ever known. Heck, sometimes I think he knows me better than I do myself. He confessed to me after our breakup that he was wrong for not showing his feelings and he was upset with himself that he always put my son down and made fun of him. Now he realizes what he has done and the important part: he has lost his soulmate, his only love and she is not coming back. But he is going to be in my heart forever and one day I hold up to my promise I made to him. I don't promise and never fulfill. It does not feel right.

The happy part about today is that I actually managed to finish one chapter in my life. My b/f called me shortly after I finished running my errands today and I told him about that. And you know what? He is the most supportive and patient person having the most understanding frame of mind and I know he loves me alot cuz he even said that he understands that I am upset and sad. I then confessed to him that I have been teary-eyed lately when I have not been able to talk to him much and how much I loved him and how I feel more and more for him. I started to actually fall in love again. I have been apart from my inner feelings and they are resurfacing themselves. I am scared and have many thoughts but I know that I had to do what I did and am very happy and proud of myself.
Tears flowing down my cheeks as I am proof reading this blog. I am very sad and hope for the best. I can't wait to see my b/f again and be in his arms listening to his heartbeat.