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Laying on the couch on a lazy Sunday morning I am daydreaming of the lives I could have had. I dysfunctionally dream about going to university in New Brunswick at Mount Alison taking a degree in fine arts. I would walk slowly, taking my time on my way to my studio, wondering about how did I get so lucky that I could have a dream like this..
I switch the channel on the tv and I wonder what my life would have been like had I not had my daughter at the age of 18. Oh but this is a happy thought. She has changed my life and forced me to be strong and to hold on to reality for good not for reasons that neither you nor I will ever know. This child has brought to me more joy than anyone else. She is not a dream. She is reality....she holds me down in her reactionary reality not just in her fantasy but in a stark reality that will slowly disappear......only to be caught in the whirlwind again like the ashes of a house on fire.....
As I travel through my lives never lived another pops into my head. I imagine myself as a strong and powerful woman running my own group of health and wellness centres for people who need help with mental health isues. Rescuing people from the streets and bringing them into a home where they can recieve proper care. If not have them go into supportive housing but at least offer a clean bed and a shower and a meal. I picture myself helping those who could have been me. I could have been that person that begs for change and is ignored or feared. I imagine being a helping hand in this world not a hinderance.
Not wanting to stay any place for too long my wanders searching for a place to settle finally landing on no particular spot. On a feeling rather than a thought. I felt myself healthy. I felt myself strong. I felt mysellf successful. This dream is not a fantasy. The life I live now is wonderful and beautiful and real. I dreamed of other possibilities but I always come back to the one I have now. Wonderful like the little drink me bottle of Alice inWonderland.
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Posted by ratssass on 2009-09-14 10:14:32 | Rating: | Views: 11
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ratssass
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