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My audiology tests were done today, and I had a lot of questions answered. I feel a little bit like, ok, no wonder I'm frustrated sometimes. The speech recognition in my left ear has gone from 32% to 16% in the last 7 years, which explains a lot. The decible change is significant also. I did better with the two-syllable words. Plus I have part of the test memorized (cowboy, baseball, railroad, outside...) from all the testing. The single syllable words were much more difficult (cat? or that? of? or love?). There's no context. Thankfully they didn't use masking, which would've been frustrating.
Then there is the beeping part. There's three beeps in a row, and they go through different frequencies. It feels kind of funny to be sitting there knowing there's probably some beeping going on but not hearing a thing. It usually makes me cry, but I was fine with it today. With the headphones on my mastoid, I could feel the vibrations, which she said counted, so I did better on that part.
So all in all, the audiologist said my left ear is now worse than my right ear was before implantation, so I am probably now at the point that I would benefit from another CI. Further testing with the CI place being scheduled.
I'll probably just get another implant, the hearing loss is obviously progressive, and I don't particularly look forward to experiencing the further decline. I hate having my own voice get softer. I'm already to the point that I can barely hear it without my bionics on. I am afraid of getting another implant in the left ear, and potentially losing the residual hearing. It might be able to be preserved, some drs are trying to do that, although they didn't with my right ear. If I lost my residual hearing, that would mean without my bionics on, I would be entirely deaf. Which, why am I worried about that? That's probably going to happen, it's just a matter of when. But I'll admitt, I don't like the idea of laying there at night and not hearing anything at all, whatsoever. Which is pretty much how it is now, except if there was a motorcycle in my bedroom I would wake up. Do I really get any comfort from that? Is that part of why it's so difficult to relax at night? Hmmm. Well, there's other ways to relax. But yes, it's anxiety-provoking for me at times, to hear less than I used to. I'm not sure how to compensate for that when I'm trying to sleep.
The new CI's have better software for music, and my music program already rocks. I could have one implant programmed with direct audio input, the other one programmed for telecoil. I would have twice the number of programs to play with. I would experience something I've probably never experienced in my life: having both ears about equal, and so I might have less trouble telling which direction sounds are coming from. I could listen to two things at the same time?
It could be a really good thing. As far as auditory rehab, that was really hard, but I wonder if it would be easier the second time. Initially everything sounded like birds, all I could hear was the sounds I'd never heard before and my mind filtered out all the rest. Now that I know what high sounds are like, would I be able to have a less dramatic auditory rehab?
All in all, I thought the day went well. I knew the news was coming, I just didn't know what the numbers were. But I'm not all that surprised. But for the first time ever when I was in that booth not understanding many words, I didn't feel like I was failing a test. I didn't feel that sense of something being wrong with me. It just felt like, this is how my hearing is, it's not a measure of how well I function. That's huge. Until recently, I didn't think of myself as being a highly functioning person with a hearing loss. I just saw myself as not hearing as well as the people around me. It's not a fair comparison. I don't know why I've been so hard on myself for all these years. But what a remarkable thing to be able to change that perspective. I'm grateful.
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Posted by randomname on 2008-03-11 15:29:39 | Rating: | Views: 45
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