Thoughts.com Blogs - ...and the cookie crumbles...

Where's the line you dare not cross in fear of losing what you love?
Where's the point you dare not reach as it may change everything?
Where's the hope that everything will be just fine?

I'm having serious trust issues

I don't know what this is. I mean, ever since I met Him, we've been having those..periods of different behaviours..those episodes of certain doings..And everytime they changed into something new, I wondered where it would all end, where I would end up. I guess, I've come to know the answer.

And no, I am not satisfied with this. I am pretty frightened.

My mind has not yet grasped the whole idea of what is happening. It refuses to accept it. But the truth is, my worst nightmare might be coming true.

I sometimes get the impression that love is one big misunderstanding. An idea which doesn't really exist. It's just cheating ourselves, the other person and everybody around us that there is something greater than ourselves, something worth keeping us alive when the souls have emptied..

And then I meet with Him and I feel wonderful. He makes mi laugh, makes me feel good in my own skin with my own thoughts, comforts me, looks after me, makes me feel unique, better.
Everything is perfect.

And then He goes out with His friends. And it changes. He does things I would have never expected Him to do. He stops being the person I know.. the person I've felt in love with.

The longer it lasts, the less sure I get about this whole marriage and spending the rest of our lives together.

When they were burrying that SOB he was a total stranger to me. And my hatred for him was burried with him. And I promised myself I would not have life like my mom did. And I am going to do anything it takes to keep that promise. Even if it means spending the rest of my life alone. I can handle it.

What I am finding very difficult, though, is to walk away from Him, when I am supposedly so in love with Him.

I do not want to let go 8(